Single Awareness: Against Me! – “True Trans Soul Rebel” (2014)

What has been incredible over the 2010s was the growing visibility of transgender celebrities. Shows like Orange is the New Black, Transparent, and Pose did wonders in making it more socially acceptable, breaking long-held taboos that continue to seem foolish in hindsight. These were actors doing serious work to discuss LGBT issues in manners that were serious without relying on familiar martyr techniques. There was something powerful about these performers allowing their experiences to be presented in such vulnerable and honest ways. 

Among the voices that emerged during this time was Laura Jane Grace. While I am happy for her and glad that she continues to have success, it’s one of those strange stories not because of her personal journey, but because it was covered prominently by Rolling Stone. I never would’ve associated Grace with mainstream publications, let alone these long exposés that find them interviewing her, discovering her lifelong battle with gender dysphoria. If you want to read a touching and candid account of the transgender experience, it may be worth looking up those articles online, revealing someone who has never felt uncomfortable sharing her opinions – except when it came to her own identity.

To back up for a moment, I feel the need to share some things. At the time of the big news, Grace had been the lead singer of Against Me! for roughly 15 years. If you think that the “!” is a bit hyperbolic, then I guarantee that you haven’t listened to an Against Me! record, which is one of those punk bands who were loved for their confrontational energy, their aggressive nature that pushed big messages to the front of their music. I personally never got into them, though they would randomly show up on various compilations that I owned, including Rock Against Bush. They had songs like “I Was a Teenage Anarchist.” They sounded nothing like them, but the simultaneous emergence of Rise Against was very confusing for me.

If you want to understand Grace’s ethos, all you have to do is look at her 2016 autobiography, which was called “Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock's Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout.” Yes, despite being on a major label, Grace was an anarchist whose music reflected that energy. Even as she transitioned and took hormones, she still created music so defiantly because, as she puts it, the hormones don’t impact how you sing. The only thing that would be different about Against Me! going forward was that she would now be yelling at the crowd as a six-foot woman in heels.

Their album “Transgender Dysphoria Blues” from 2014, it was originally going to be a concept album about a transsexual prostitute. As you can guess, Grace wasn’t as open with herself at the time, and the idea was eventually scrapped as the band had some line-up changes and things became clearer. Grace claims that she finally went through with the transition following a meeting with a transgender fan that inspired her. Given that she had openly yelled her opinion about everything else, the only thing she was against at that point was being her true self.

As a whole, the album is a study in queercore, where Grace is coming to terms with her new identity. The lead single was “True Trans Soul Rebel,” which has since become an anthem for obvious reasons. This wasn’t just going to be a song about being proud of your identity. It was going to be that time when you began to take yourself seriously, wanting to be seen as your true self. Would the world even accept you? There’s so much insecurity in these notes, but they’re familiar to all of Against Me!’s catalog, which has always been a conflict of the self in some form or another. 

I don’t personally have experiences with the transgender community, but what becomes startlingly clear is the significance of the song to Grace. In later interviews she would claim that:

“There’s not a night we play [True Trans Soul Rebel] and it doesn’t impact me. To me, this song is coming from the darkest of places, questioning whether even God has love for a transsexual soul when the overwhelming majority of societies in the world see trans people as disgusting, sick, or diseased. Asking the question of, ‘Will you ever find acceptance or understanding as a trans person?’ To get up on stage and have so many people connect with the song, shout the lyrics back at me regardless of whether or not they themselves are trans or fully understand the trans experience, just seeing that they can connect with that base human need of love that we all have. The weight of that moment is never lost to me and it’s a moment my younger self would have never expected to experience.”

That may explain why the imagery is constantly questioning the value of the self. As discussed in the recent Netflix documentary Disclosure: Trans Lives on Screen (2020), Laverne Cox mentions going out in public and being laughed at early in her transition. This is because of decades of the mainstream seeing transgender culture as something effeminate and a joke, unable to be taken seriously unless they were playing unrealistic martyrs. Even in a time where shows like Transparent have changed the conversation, the documentary isn’t shy on admitting that gay-bashing has in some ways become more rampant, even as their acceptance has become more normalized.

How does one even find the courage to transition when there’s the threat of a world ready to turn on you? Everyone will claim that it’s just a phase and one that even a cultural shift won’t convince people of. That is the type of energy that Against Me! is fighting for with this album, which features a pile of meat with a breast atop it, as if reflecting the substance of a transgender soul, surgically enhancing them to look like their true self. Even with these changes, there will still have been the struggles of gender dysphoria for years that they’ll never get back. Why not try to find acceptance in your own community?

The most clever aspect of the song is how it opens with a familiar image that can be read as normal, but only if you’re cisgender:

All dressed up and nowhere to go

Walking the streets all alone

Another night to wish you could forget

Making yourself up as you go along

If you read it literally, it’s something that we’ve all had in our lives. But if you’re early in your transition, it plays differently. You don’t pass. You’re bound to be like Cox on a bus, being laughed at for looking strange. Even if you’re surrounded by others, you feel alone and gain a depression, feeling everyone judging you and never being satisfied with your true self. You’re making yourself up as you go along, trying to figure out what your true identity is. Given that Grace was 33 when she recorded this song, it captures deeper insecurity that she’s carried for decades, shifting as she’s never felt secure in almost three decades. It’s not a feeling she has one night but every time she gets up, especially more-so since she’s embraced her true self.

The chorus features a line that establishes the point that has largely been argued by society: “Does god bless your transsexual heart?” Considering that families have been broken up because of a desire to be transgender, it’s a fair question to ask amid the growing loneliness that swamp Grace’s mind. She is a true trans soul rebel, like everyone else who defies the norms. Still, having god bless your soul is a cultural acceptance that you’re normal, that the world isn’t going to treat you like a sin because you live differently. Unfortunately, most of us know the answer even at a time where the American government has passed laws banning discrimination based on sexual orientation. It will still happen. As it stands, the LGBT community and the military are still at odds with each other.

While you may be opposed to the energy of Against Me!’s other music, there is something genuine about this song that demands to be heard. If you’ve ever questioned your identity, or want to understand in lyrical form what it feels like to be seen as an outsider, then this song is a blast of fresh air, coming out not as a shock, but as this warmth of acceptance, that Grace hears your transgender children and demand that you accept them for who they are. Even if god doesn’t bless them, she prays that you do.

The song even has a staggering honesty that comes in the form of something dark and very personal. In the second verse, she cries:

Yet to be born, you're already dead

You sleep with a gun beside you in bed

You follow it through to the obvious end

Slit your veins wide open

You bleed it out

With the acceptance of depression and suicide, this song goes for a serious exploration of self that is commonly understood but is rarely discussed. The LGBT community suffer from self-harm in large part because of their ongoing loneliness, their inability at times to feel loved or accepted publically. These have to be feelings that Grace has personally had, alluding to common motives of pain such as guns and wrist cutting. Most importantly of all though, the transgender community isn’t their true selves until they transition. They’ve “yet to be born” and it’s a tragedy, as it’s clear that Grace has yet to live as her true self either. She thinks of those who have died before reaching their true potential.

What is maybe the most incredible part of the song comes in the bridge, where she gives imagery that plays differently depending on the transgender experience:

You should've been a mother

You should've been a wife

You should've been gone from here years ago

You should be living a different life

In the case of Grace, a male to female transition creates this image of the maternal image that she’s been wanting to live. To shift to the second half of the bridge, she looks at her past and realizes that lying to herself has been harmful. However, if you’re female to male, the image becomes tragic, looking at the life you’ve left behind before accepting that you should’ve been your true self (male) years ago. Add in that this comes after the passage about suicide, there’s even another layer to be found in the people who never realize their true selves. Should is more assertive, suggesting things that must happen. They should be alive, living a life different from this.

“True Trans Soul Rebel” is a song about the early days of transitioning, and the pain can be felt in every line here. For the first time Grace isn’t just singing about her own anguish, but something that can be interpreted for everyone who has gone through similar circumstances. It has the familiar punk anger, the drive to defy odds and live the life that’s right for you. While the song’s big question is never answered, there is one thing that’s clear: Laura Jane Grace will bless your transsexual soul with this song.

While cultural acceptance has gone significantly far in recent years, there’s still a lot of room to grow and become more tolerant. To have artists like Grace making songs for Against Me! fans to sing at concerts, there is already this shift to recognize the pain that some experience while walking among us. It’s the rejuvenation flowing through Grace’s voice that this song actually matters, giving her career a bigger purpose. This is the start of a new era, and it’s important to work towards a better future. In the years since Grace has only become more confident in herself. Having this song isn’t only a benchmark in her life, but one that tells others that things will be okay. Grace sees you and will help you through this in whatever small way she can. To everyone else, all she demands is that you listen and respect those going through this. It’s a confusing time, but one that will hopefully lead to brighter days.