Every now and then, I find myself giving in to an impulse. It’s not necessarily a good one, but it exists in the back of my mind. As I flip over to YouTube, I search for a certain artist to see if I’ve finally been able to break the chains that developed seven years ago when I was recovering from a flight to England in January 2013. I had opened a video exploring the worst songs of 2012, and there was one artist in particular that stood out to me: Kreayshawn.
Sure there were nine other songs on that list, but I couldn’t tell you anything about them. What I can tell you is that there was something about this white girl from Oakland, CA that drew me to check out her big hit “Gucci Gucci,” which is the definition of a viral sensation. It had millions of views and at the time podcaster Howard Kremer (Who Charted?) said she would be the next big thing. Cut to 2020 and, I’m sad to admit, that I still remember every line from that stupid song. There was even a time when this anti-smoking ad used a remix of her other song “Go Hard (La La La)” and I’d give in and listen to that even tackier song.
You see, Kreayshawn inhabits a part of my mind that is overtly sympathetic. She strikes me as someone who wanted to be the next big thing and believed she was. Instead, it was a quickly crumbling empire, where her White Girl Mob lead to in-house fighting and her debut album was not only delayed, but it bombed in part because it was sold exclusively at Hot Topic.
She is a quintessential vapid artist, and it only becomes depressing to return to that “Gucci Gucci” music video and read the comments, claiming she was “ahead of her time.” There are others who would say that they were playing this song at eight years old. Nothing feels like a reality check quite like knowing that I was 23 when I first heard it. I should know better. What was I doing that this song rudely lodged itself in my brain? Having just discovered PPCocaine, I realize that, in theory, those commenters are right. Then again, Kreayshawn is Pat Boone compared to her.
In a lot of respects, “Missing Kitty” isn’t a single in the same way that “Gucci Gucci” wasn’t. It’s doubtful that it will take the airwaves by storm. If it deserves to dominate any area of our lives, it’s reaction videos. I guarantee that if you don’t buy into the sincerity, this whole thing plays like a joke song done in a slightly higher pitch. There is one line in particular that I find hilarious just for how it’s delivered:
Kitty, where the fuck have you been?
Must've got out when I left the door open
On the one hand, it answers the question by forcing us to question the actions of Kreayshawn. Why did she leave the door open? Given that she sings it in a more angelic fashion, giving her unpolished voice this longing, it makes the profane context all the funnier. She does seem like somebody who probably left the door open too often, ignoring small instances of responsibility for the easy fix. It could be read as much about her coming to terms with her own maturity as it is a sense of loss.
That is the thing with this song. On the one hand, she has been less active in her music career since her notorious debut flop. It feels like whatever she releases features more personal effort put behind it. She still has this energy that made her singular, but the songs are no longer about the negligent behavior of youth. “Go Hard (La La La)” basically tells listeners to steal money from your stepparents. She knew all along who that album was geared at, and it’s that rude girl Bart Simpson fantasy of the 21st century. It’s too goofy but works as a perfect contrast of someone trying to sober up and find meaning.
To be honest, I want to give Kreayshawn the benefit of the doubt because the feeling of losing a pet is a very traumatic one. It’s universal in some respect and that longing to get out there and look is that perfect balance of despair and hope. If you put up the right flyers in the right neighborhood, the pet WILL come back. That is how this world works, right? I admire her for taking things further by making a song that could go viral and help the world look for her. Of course, it would kind of be more successful if she was anywhere as big as she was in 2012.
Though I can’t exactly speak against losing cats in stupid ways. Earlier this year I thought that I lost my cat because he was gone for three days. It turned out that he just got locked in the garage after I mowed the lawn. I can tell you how grateful I was to know that he was still alive, even if he was very mad at me for a good week.
So when I laugh at Kreayshawn leaving the door open, it’s more about how the song builds to that moment. It’s designed like this big revelation, this moment of clarity. The issue is that the lyrics leading up to this moment aren’t subtle. Not in the way of affectionate praise, but how she punctuates several lines with profanity. I get that it’s a frustrating time that makes anyone want to scream from the top of their lung, but the opening, in particular, is tickling:
Uh, I'm so fuckin' sad
I'm so sad (just sad)
I lost my cat (damn it)
Again, it’s not so much the sentiment but the presentation. She is this rapper who has an aggression to her tone that has the right level of spoiled valley girl twinge that makes it sound like she got ice in her soda when she didn’t want it. While her sentiment may be flawless, the way she breaks it down as this great poetic statement is so obvious. Something about ending this part with “damn it” is especially funny. I know what she’s getting at, but the urgency outweighs thought here. Maybe I am childish and this is a secret masterpiece, but the profanity in relation to earnestness is such a wondrous clash of tones.
Another less funny detail is that the missing kitty’s name is… Kitty. It works for the song in the same way that “Baby” works as a term of endearment, but it makes other aspects of the song funny by accident. She’s putting up posters and “screamin’ your name around the hood.” I understand the value of vocal recognition in felines, but shouting “Kitty” as you walk down the street seems like an absurd image. Still, her ability to add empathy by showing her relationship with the other cat, Choppa, shows how much this is a family narrative.
It’s mostly in Verse 2 where the song becomes a delirious masterpiece. Where you can argue that everything before is just me picking on tonal differences, the lyrical specificity gives us insight into Kreayshawn in such a way that’s supposed to make Kitty relatable but also makes you question her motives:
Kitty, she loved to drink a beer
Now I shed a tear 'cause she's not here
Kitty, she liked to eat my hot Cheetos
And now I'm wonderin' where she be though
According to Genius, that’s all true. However, it’s not the end of catching the listener off guard. Admitting to giving booze to a cat is suspicious already, but her ability to shift at the end is a masterstroke that makes you question what is a joke and what is sincerity. After a brief interlude that finds some endearing sentiments about how Kitty “started off as a trap kitty,” it breaks out into the only part that has been considered a joke:
But if you in someone house 'cause you got tooken
I kick they fuckin' door down, leave they ass shooken
Grab my kitty back and then I start bookin'
Kitty, what the fuck? What the fuck?
That is our parting thought: what the fuck? It’s as much sentiment about Kreayshawn’s insecurity and feeling of loss as it is the listener stumbling upon this song at random. As much as I respect it as a sincere work, it’s amazing how much subtlety is lacking. Never before have I heard a rapper so forlorn about the loss of their cat, and that may make this a thing of beauty. It’s so in tune with basic emotion that it forgoes aspects that could be deemed negligent. That cat clearly meant something and I find myself wishing that they are eventually reunited. She sells being sad so well, but having it end with the image of Kreayshawn running away with a cat is amusing even when it’s so, so sad.
Unlike “Gucci Gucci,” she has disabled the comments on the video. I understand that this is a sensitive matter and having any backlash or critical thought of the song would be devastating. Though what this song does surprisingly well is reflect a growth and nuance that was missing from her earlier work. She is rapping about something important, and it makes me feel bad for laughing. Even then, the structure of it is wonky. It catches you off-guard.
Kitty went missing in December 2017 and she released that song four months later. She even had a Facebook post that mentioned:
“The other night I sat outside till 5am waiting for her. I would wake up at 1am and 4am every night and look for her. Anything you can suggest I have done and do so plz don't tell me anything anymore. I got kitty almost 9 years ago from a friend who had kittens. I cracked a beer and one the kittens came to me immediately and tried to drink it. I was like oh yes I want this one. Kitty (Lil Cat LaFlare) oddly enough was a big inspiration behind alot of my early music and I even named my mixtape after her and Choppa (my other cat of 8 years)…”
In 2019, she confirmed that Kitty has yet to come home.
It’s honestly a beautiful story of finding an animal that personally understood you. The feeling of loss is a painful one, and at the end of the day, I respect her for reaching out. It may strike me as a bit goofy, but then again bonding with animals looks strange from the outside world. They give us emotional support when we need them, and I think they signify periods in our lives that are meaningful. I make fun, but that’s because my version of “Missing Kitty” wouldn’t be nearly as eclectic, full of this confrontational energy.
That is what makes Kreayshawn impossible to ignore. She has this strange commitment to this vision that has only become more honest in the years since. She doesn’t update her YouTube page as often anymore, but she also had a song called “Boutta” from this time that was about her own experience with abuse. It’s honestly more self-aware and focused in such a way that I can’t say anything negative about it. There is meaning and hope behind it.
With that said, I did discover that right as I felt some personal growth from her, there are things that are (predictably) confusing. Provided that Genius is not messing with me, she released a 2019 mixtape called “The Oakland Black Metal” that features “Missing Kitty” and “Boutta” along with “I’m Depressed Freestyle.” However, it has some more jarring songs including “I Wanna Be a Baby” and, I’m not kidding, “21 Dicks” which… definitely makes “Missing Kitty” look subtle.
Oh, Kreayshawn. Even as a 30-year-old mother, you’ve not altogether matured. I admire you for following your dreams even if I don’t fully understand them.
To everyone else, I will say that while this is me admitting some affection for Kreayshawn, it is a minor one that I don’t dabble in a lot. I’ve heard maybe five songs from her, and they all leave differing feelings inside of me. I love her go-for-broke energy even when she never comes up with a greater point. I know that it’s not art, and yet it’s difficult to not scratch that itch. It’s the curse of pop music. It knows how to hook you in. If you think you’ve outrun it, just wait a few years, maybe 10. I guarantee that someone will catch you off guard and say “Remember that song?” and you’ll roll your eyes… unlocking a melody that long remained dormant.
To me, Kreayshawn is like that cicada bug that I’m trying to make sense of but knowing I never will. I just wish I could say the absence was for more than a few months at a time.
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