I remember back in 2016 that there was no greater feeling in the world than “destroying” your opponent in a debate. It’s easy to understand the appeal. Somebody boldly makes a statement that you believe to hold profound truth that it leaves the opposition speechless, unable to reply because let’s be real, they were always wrong. This was a component that went from sensationalist news stories to a full-on phenomenon, with candidates wishing to be taken credible coming back with these “destroying” statements. It felt good because, well… they said a string of words that we just so happened to agree with.
The issue with this line of thinking is that it goes against the rules of debate. While I will admit to being caught up in this sense of righteousness at times, one thing becomes clear. You didn’t “destroy” anyone. The fact that certain people kept getting “destroyed” and had careers months (and years) later proved how empty this sentiment was. Sure, you can still argue that your guy was right, but “destroying” someone was an easy way to go viral, to reaffirm that there are people out there that agree with you. All it did was make the other side vindictive if they at all felt put down, finding ways to have their guys “destroy” your argument next.
That’s not constructive. By definition, it’s the opposite. As the presidential election came into the mix, it became easier to believe that conventions “destroyed” this renegade Republican candidate who defied the odds. Those tacky misogynist comments at debates should be enough to keep him from being elected. I remember compilations at the time saying that The Democrats “destroyed” Republicans in those debates only to have the other side believing the same thing.
The issue is that “destroy” in this context isn’t from a debate context, but more from a sensationalized reality TV mentality, or wrestling where braggadocio is necessary to get the crowd motivated, taking sides and turn fact into a petty competition. Much like you craved watching a wrestler “destroy” another with a clothesline or thrown onto a table, 2016 felt just the same with some still seeing it as a reason to hold the opponent in a chokehold until their voice is gone. “Destroying” isn’t an idea for democracy. It’s for something much more childish than that.
Which brings me to my point. The past four years have been exhausting. As I listened to Joe Biden give his speech at The Democratic National Convention, I felt something that I hadn’t in a while. I recognize a certain pride to be American, to love and protect your neighbor, and to recognize the humanity in each other.
As much as I can get caught up going into the feelings of that moment, it made me feel terrible to think of the world outside of this speech. What would I see when I turned to YouTube, where the opposition has taken to putting a smear campaign as an inescapable banner atop every app? What about Twitter or TikTok, who have had long streaks where they have felt just as toxic? I knew the exact feelings that they would have because they’ve been there since “destroying” became a national pastime.
It was also present at The DNC, which was The Democrats’ big push for unity. Whereas the headlining speakers were more subtle about their “us against them” attitude, there were those few that felt like they came to “destroy.” This was especially true of comedian Julia Louis Dreyfus, who served as host of the fourth night.
To be totally honest, I understand her animosity towards the president. Deep down, I feel some frustration with the direction of this country. However, I noticed that everything she said was meant to “destroy” him, causing him to rile up and take to Twitter. As much as I want to believe that he’s knee-deep in Coronavirus testing, I know predictably that this is just another middle school fight in the making. It even started with literal name-calling, where Dreyfus called Mike Pence “Ponce” as a joke on a recent Fox News mispronunciation controversy regarding Kamala Harris.
To those who are eagerly wanting The Democrats to win, it may have come across as a chef kiss. As the night continued, more digs came from her claiming things such as Biden can read and that he actually cares about this country. It would be funny if this didn’t feel so damn familiar.
It goes back to the 2016 “destroying” phenomenon that everyone thought would result in picking, as The Daily Show called it, the evil of two lessers. Those jokes were nothing but a brief distraction from reality. It was a form of bullying that only helped to make both sides look like they were slinging mud at each other. The Republicans were throwing heavier clods, but it became unpleasant to know that The Democrats spent far less time talking about the platform and everything about the day-to-day controversy, believing that THIS will be the moment where he shoots himself in the foot. It’s a MacGruber skit from Saturday Night Live, finding any successful dismantling ruined by pointless arguments.
So when I hear Dreyfuss “destroy” the president, I’m not left with the enthusiastic cries that I probably would’ve given her in 2016. Having been through the election and doing everything to avoid “bubble culture” again, I feel more critical, recognizing that this is officially part of their platform: a comedian who calls names and takes unsubtle jabs. Sure, Biden has an even more incredible body of supporters ranging from race to gender orientation to military and economic status. He proved himself there.
It’s just… Dreyfuss symbolized something that feels so draining about the months ahead.
I understand by nature that elections are an “us against them” game. That’s how it works. The issue for me is the risk of Democrats looking self-righteous and having it backfire again. As I mentioned earlier, nobody likes being “destroyed,” all that means is the president will double down on his nasty comments, knowing that (somehow) any publicity is good publicity.
And that’s the thing… it’s draining. I can’t appreciate any hope and optimism that this election has given me because I am now full of knowledge that this is a tightrope. One word can start a media frenzy. One wrong look can lead to a meme that says “Is this what’s right for the country?” I remember watching Hillary Clinton react to balloons (BALLOONS!) and finding it amusing how overzealous she was. It has since become a meme that I’m pretty sure is meant to suggest that she’s retarded. Nothing sacred can exist so long as people believe in the “destroy” mentality, and it has been difficult to escape because, in all honesty, it’s addictive and reaffirms that you’re not wrong.
I don’t have any answers. All I have is this personal declaration. In 2017, my family suffered psychological abuse. While it has since been resolved, the feeling of being devalued has caused me to be more sensitive about being “destroyed.” I recognize the anger as coming from something more insecure, an immaturity, or unwillingness to participate in a mutual understanding. This is a country built on compromise, for better or worse. When humanity believes that the only way to be happy is to “destroy” each other, it only leads to more hurt.
To some people, that makes me weak that I’ve grown more sensitive, more willing to listen, and try to come to a compromise. I understand my limits mentally, and I protect myself because I know how much it hurts. The 2016 presidential election hurt because I became too obsessed with the “destroy” mentality, believing that just because I voted that things would be different. Knowing that I focused so much on MY vision instead of a rational one left me a bit paralyzed for a month, disappointed that a man who verbally assaulted the journalistic foundation that I deeply respect had come out on top.
It is why I look at Dreyfus calling him “Ponce” and I cringe. The joke itself is fine, but what is symbolizes hurts. It’s the same thing over and over. When I hear comedians make fun of somebody’s looks, I cringe. It’s such a cheap shot and as someone who doesn’t consider himself attractive, I notice how much it hurts. I may not like them either, but it’s a low-hanging fruit of a joke, and the “destroy” is once again hollow.
I do not speak on behalf of The Democratic Party. They just happen to have the ideals that I feel are better suited for this election. As it stands, I remember feeling underwhelmed when Biden got the nomination because, in a different way, it felt like 2016 all over again. However, his campaign has won me over and his speech made me believe, if just for 20 minutes, that the world can course correct and become decent again. I don’t care about exceptionalism. FUCK exceptionalism. We don't deserve it right now. Let’s just try to be good humans.
So it hurts to not come out of this eager to follow every news story that Biden will make between now and November. I personally love the democratic process. However, I have mental pain from that love in 2016. I will be there during the key moments, but I can find myself going down rabbit holes, consuming opinion pieces that will “destroy” the opposition. The whole point is that they want me to be shocked, to be like “Can you believe what he SAID” instead of what he means.
I can’t handle that. Not in a time where over 170,000+ people are dead from Coronavirus and millions have confirmed diagnosis. Not at a time where Black Lives Matter is a constant reminder of unjust brutality. Even news of California having a “fire tornado” (which… what?) just makes me wonder how I could try and even be concerned about everything to the extent that they want me to be. All it will do is fill me with dread, making myself sick in the hope that a joke “destroys” this illness.
I say this not because I will be talking about politics more on The Memory Tourist. I may write pieces now and then, but I want to explain that I will enjoy those days when I’m not on the internet, taking in personal happiness. Since limiting news intake, I have found myself able to enjoy life more, even if the pandemic has gifted me a mild depression. It’s not going to change the world, but it feels good to not have to worry about whether Dreyfus “destroyed” the president or not. I never read Twitter’s informal response, and I’m fine with that.
I write this because I encourage you to do the same. If the election becomes too much (which before 2016, it shouldn’t have), just turn the internet off. Find something that boosts your own esteem. Do something that won’t leave you criticizing people you disagree with. As much as I want to believe that we can break through and talk like rational adults, the internet has only popularized reactionary culture and made anonymous bashing all the easier. I hope that this overkill will eventually break and we have something more sincere, but that’s still some time off when getting a million hearts on TikTok stops meaning anything.
What should be a fun time to remember what’s great about this country simultaneously reminds me of the worst. It’s the contribution of “destroying” each other, and I’ve been guilty. I’ve seen the idea of “destroying” destroy conversations with some relatives, always seeing disagreement as a reason to negatively argue. Arguments are supposed to be an EXCHANGE of ideas, and that’s not what I’m seeing sometimes. Even from the president, I’m not seeing the old adage “agree to disagree” and work towards a compromise. I wish I did. I really wish I did because nobody is right in this country. Everyone has something to learn and grow. By denying this, you’re just hurting yourself.
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