With every passing week, 2021 has felt more and more surreal. There is something about this year that feels even less real or eventful than 2020. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but certain things feel less significant this time around. Entering Halloween, which is supposed to be one of the most festive seasons, I haven’t been as motivated to do a metaphorical overkill. I haven’t been watching a lot of horror movies nor have I been as eager to write “scary” pieces on The Memory Tourist. This has been an ongoing conflict in general over this year, and I’m not entirely sure why. Then again, you’re talking to someone who began this month by taking to Netflix and watching Diana the Musical (2021), counting down the days until Spencer (2021) turns Kristen Stewart into the ultimate Princess Diana.
I think part of it is just the calm after being depressed, just being grateful for the simple things in life. It could also be that while I have had a relatively social life, the world just doesn’t feel right. What reason is there to celebrate in this pandemic era? Everyone should be more concerned about their health, managing distance, and doing their best not to start a forest fire. As much as I love genre cinema as a form of escapism, it just doesn’t feel right this year. Then again, I’ve gotten more out of National Coming Out Day and am eagerly anticipating what I’ll write for Asexual Awareness Week next week. There are things keeping me interested, but the spark and excitement just haven’t kicked in yet.
With that said, my month kicked off on a rather great note. I went with a friend to see Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) which has all the heart of a schlocky B-Movie with enough absurdism from Tom Hardy for this delightful subversion of the romantic comedy. It’s all a bit too messy and manic to be a classic in my book, but I do love how shameless it is. Every frame is madness, at times even coded as queer. Whereas Disney has had extensive conflicts with so much as making a character gay – we see you, Luca (2021) - it’s refreshing that Venom 2 just goes for it and makes a queer character who is irresponsible and a mess, fully embracing the “Be gay do crime” meme and even having one of cinema’s greatest coming out scenes. It scares me what Disney could do to this character because while I’m not precious about Venom being consistent, that studio is too strategic about what their characters can be. As it stands, I’m still nervous to see Black Widow (2021) and know if Yelena is asexual like in the comics.
On a quick side note, Rowan Ellis made an amazing video on asexual representation, and I highly recommend you check it out. The only thing that makes me sad about it is her claim that the director of Princess Cyd (2017) didn’t make Aunt Miranda intentionally ace.
So, this social life. Let’s get into it. As mentioned earlier, I did go see Venom 2. I also went to see the Palme d’Or winner Titane (2021) in its brief window of release. To say the least, it’s an amazing experience that continually surprised me. Every new scene felt like Julia Ducournau was reinventing cinema and commenting on so many complicated ideas with strong visual language. If nothing else is true, it’s that Titane is the most complete cinematic experience I’ve had since probably 2020. To be immersed in story, surrounded by people with the same like-minded strange taste in entertainment as you is so cathartic and something you cannot get at home. Even the audio descriptions made the experience better as certain scenes included such colorful uses of language like “flesh squelches.” It’s the type of experience you didn’t want to end.
Elsewhere, I am proud to say that I have officially been to an NBA game. It was a preseason match-up between The Los Angeles Clippers and The Denver Nuggets. While I was disappointed to learn that Nikola Jokic wasn’t playing, I did get to see a lot of the second-level players emerge on both teams that I’ve grown affection for. There was Reggie Jackson shooting threes, Ivica Zubac rebounding with the best of them. Even family favorite Bol Bol made a significant appearance that makes me believe even more that he’ll have a strong career ahead of him.
Just being in that room makes the experience so much different. For instance, I sincerely believe that The Golden State Warriors aren’t likely to capture the power they did even three years ago. I still root for them because they remain a fun team to watch. However, there is something that makes me eager to see Steph Curry live now, where just to watch him on even a bad night sounds like fun. Given that he complained that his opening night game against The Los Angeles Lakers was “garbage” despite scoring his sixth career triple double shows how much of a professional he sees himself as. Still, I’m excited to be seeing The Clippers take on The Dallas Mavericks next month if just to witness other future league icons like Luka Doncic in motion (also, Boban Marjanovic seems like a great, lovable guy).
I wish that I could say that I was as enthusiastic with how The WNBA Finals turned out, but frankly, it was a messy conclusion. It isn’t just that The Las Vegas Aces bowed out to The Phoenix Mercury in the western conference, but also that The Mercury failed to put up much of a match for The Chicago Sky. All of them are great teams who have made for great evenings of basketball. You can definitely see the fire in someone like Candace Parker or Allie Quigley. It’s just that the penultimate game was an embarrassment, where The Mercury’s Diana Taurasi only scored five points and lost by THIRTY-SIX points, six of which were made in the final minute in a way that should qualify as bullying. There’s always next season and maybe I’ll see my Aces then.
But yes, NBA season is back on and I am excited to see if The Age of Giannis will continue. Based on the opening night game, I’m willing to bet yes. If nothing else, The Milwaukee Bucks remain a fun team to watch and I think we have something special brewing there.
I also attended my first piece of live theater since July and my first at a special venue since March 2020. To me, Long Beach Playhouse is a “home away from home” and I love getting to be in there with the community, enjoying these actors put on a show. I saw Part 1 of Tony Kushner’s essential Angels in America. Three hours of being immersed in this story, witnessing the potential of what theater can do through dialogue and stage directions. I was genuinely amazed at what they pulled off and I’m clamoring for Part 2. I’m aware that there’s an HBO version directed by the great Mike Nichols. I just wonder if it’s worth seeing how things end or wait for the whole (at least) six months to see it on a stage.
I’ve also been taking an American Drama class and have come across some plays that have interested me in their own small ways. I read Charles Durang’s “The Marriage of Bette and Boo,” which is a wild comedy about a failing marriage. I enjoy it as a piece of absurdism and also feel that Durang shares similar anxieties that stem from their faith. I’m curious to check out his other work.
There’s also Doug Wright’s “I Am My Own Wife,” which sounds like a fascinating show even if I’m not convinced yet why it needs to be a one man play. Still, it reminds me how endearing the idea of preserving history has become to me, especially with queer history as depicted in the show. I think it stems from the idea that it’s constantly being erased, invalidated by different forces. Also, and I’m sure this is not just a me thing, but having history makes the idea of something like asexuality seem less like a fad and more like a legitimate way to identify. Having those artifacts makes you realize that you are not alone, capable of feeling connected to a greater world. Discovering things like Sappho or Polari have in small ways made me relieved to know it existed decades and centuries ago. Also, to briefly take it back to Wright for a second, the show labels the character as autistic, which only makes me proud of that specific overlap.
To move into more personal matters, I also released a new short story called “Amazing Greys.” It is my first in over four months and only my third in 2021. I’m very proud of how it turned out and feel that it explores the nuance of fire season in very interesting ways. I’m also working on my next novel titled “Downtime,” which I plan to have done within a month. It is so unreal to have that almost ready to go. There’s obviously a lot of hours that need to be put into finalizing the form and making it look cute, but I do hope that it will be out before December is too old. I’m not promising anything in terms of extracurricular writing, but I do hope to have an additional short story out sometime between now and the end of the year. It’s not going to be a compendium of any kind, but given that I like to write stories that summarize how I feel about each year, it would be interesting to see how I think of this one.
There is also current work on a miniseries that I’m doing for November called “The Journey to Being Fine.” In its current form, I have 40 pages that are set to explore my four month depression at great length. I understand that it’s probably not going to draw in a lot of views, but The Memory Tourist has felt like a more satisfying place to write since I’ve become more transparent, more willing to be vulnerable. By exploring this part of my identity, I’m allowing it to have a voice that will hopefully provide catharsis and closure on my end, and maybe give a greater perspective for anyone who wants to understand what was going on with me. I think there would be greater regret if I didn’t at least try to capture this moment in detail for me to look back on, to see how I saw the world between November 2020 and April 2021.
It’s also because on some level I’m scared of regression. Much like in 2018 when I was approaching the anniversary of my last major traumatic event, I am just scared of the past repeating itself. It gives me actual dread to think that it will be habitual. I’m hoping by not ignoring its existence that it will in some way lessen any potential impact. Depression is awful and given that this was the worst case of my life, I am not eager to revisit it.
Obviously, there’s plenty of good coming this November. For one, I will be seeing my next movie musical with Tick Tick… Boom! (2021) and reveling in my adoration of Andrew Garfield. There will also be a new Courtney Barnett album as well as hopefully a Thanksgiving that brings with it plenty of familial love and care. Billy Porter has recently released a book that I cannot wait to read. Other than that, I recently bought the CD version of Billie Eilish’s masterpiece “Happier Than Ever” and the Alan Sepinwall and Matt Zoeller Seitz book “The Sopranos Sessions” (Sepinwall, in general, is one of my favorite writers and “TV the Book” is essential for anyone wanting a survey of great American television). I also wouldn’t mind buying Alice Oseman’s “Loveless” one of these days since I’ve heard many aroaces talk positively about it. Oh yeah, and Asexuality Awareness Week is coming up. Please do your part and support asexual creators in any way you can.
In closing, October wasn’t really the most congruent month for me. What should’ve been a time to put out scary decorations and watch some horror has mostly been me dealing with school and life. That’s a good way to live, though I feel like something is still missing. Maybe it will be more obvious when the holiday actually hits. For now, I continue to be optimistic, hopeful that 2021 ends a lot better than 2020 and that everyone out there is doing great. Take care of yourselves, whether it be mentally or just when going trick or treating. The final months are winding down and, I’m not looking forward to ringing in the new year. I barely am appreciating this year, though I’ve gotten a little better about doing so. Here’s hoping for one of my favorite Christmases ever (bring on Happiest Holiday (2020)! and the good spirits!).
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