From now until February, The Memory Tourist is officially going on hiatus. I must confess that while this sounds like a period of inactivity, I want to specify that it’s more one of LESS activity. I will still be around producing work, but there will not be a confined structure. I may go weeks without any publication OR I may post three articles in one day. I am not entirely sure what the next two months will look like, but they will be a period that I’ll be spending to step back and focus on other projects that I deem significant.
This is in part a response to potential burnout that I could face as December brings forth Christmas. As recently discussed in my “A Journey to Being Fine” series, I worry about a whole host of issues regarding mental health. I worry that scheduling content will be difficult with the struggle to be present and active in family traditions. It’s also the worry that it will add unnecessary stress, placing me back into conditions that ultimately lead to my terrible depression. I didn’t love that feeling and, quite frankly, I want to do everything to avoid going back there.
In all honesty, going into this past week has been difficult because I am naturally skeptical around certain anniversaries. While good ones usually produce positive emotions, bad ones often fill me with dread. Even if I’m far past them in terms of the personal, there is that fear that living in that date will send forth a demon that captures me again, throws me into a state of regression that makes me believe I will never escape this feeling. The easiest comparison point is triskaidekaphobia or fear of the number 13. Some people believe the worst will happen on Friday the 13th and do everything to avoid superstitions. While I am not that bad, the fear comes from that same implicit bias. The only way through is to “break the spell” and, simply put, have a good day.
I hope this feeling doesn’t last for every day of the five months my depression had me. I’m scared of developing a seasonal affective disorder, or just hating the winter months. 2020 took a lot out of me, and I’m doing everything to get back the joy and significance I had before then. As it stands, simple acts like being surrounded by friends have helped to change that psychology a little.
What I can share about the future of The Memory Tourist is that I do have special releases planned for December and January. I want to do a Top 25 Movies of 2021. I may do various other columns commemorating the end of the year, both personal and in terms of pop culture. I do not have a set schedule yet, but don’t expect any of the regular columns to stick around. Outside of maybe reviewing Courtney Barnett’s new album or tick, tick… BOOM! (2021), I will be quiet. I need to step away, project my words into other things and try to build something more substantial in my own life.
As anyone who has followed my writing knows, there’s been a handful of things that have been in the works. The most noteworthy is that I am in the final editing stages of my second novel “Downtime,” which I am planning to release within a month. I am excited to finally have it done and find triumph in now having THREE works available in paperback for purchase. As a writer, there’s rarely been anything more fulfilling than seeing your hard work in the real world and not a digital e-book reader.
I also have plans to release an additional short story, likely Post-Christmas/Pre-New Year’s Eve, so keep an eye out for that. It hasn’t necessarily been a productive year for me in creative fiction, but I’m very proud of what I have released: “That Familiar Circle,” “Trunk Songs,” and “Amazing Greys.” There’s plenty more where that came from, as well as a collection called “Esoteric Shapes” that’s available now.
Other than that, I am working towards personal accomplishments in my career. I am finishing up my second semester at my dream school and having a great time finally attending on campus classes. I want to spend the next few weeks making sure I get all of my big assignments done properly which, given that I’m an English major, will require a lot of writing. Am I ready? I don’t exactly know. Still, I’m having a great time and am excited to see where things take me. I’m taking a class on James Joyce next semester, which I’m very curious to see how that turns out (a fun reminder that he not only pioneered literature, but historians think he displayed autistic sensibilities).
More than anything, I want to try and end 2021 with a sense of joy in my life. While I haven’t been depressed in a debilitating way since April, this year has felt uneventful for me and I’m trying to change that mentality. I’m thinking that stepping away and noticing what matters in my life will do plenty to change that. I will be seeing my second NBA game, some live theater, and who knows what else. I think “disconnecting” from internet culture for a little bit will clear my head and make me recognize things that I might’ve missed.
So this is where I leave you. As a final reminder, you will see me around, just not as frequently. Do know that I hope to come back, happier and more focused. Right now, I need this time to better myself, to not revel in negative feelings that could be exacerbated by online culture. I hope that this time treats you well and that you’re able to end the year on a very positive note, surrounded by people who love and respect you for who you are. I’m thankful to have that in my life, and hopefully will continue to in the years to come. This period has been rough, but I hope we make it through together, stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. Thank you for reading and being supportive. I love you and only want the best for you. Take care and I’ll see you very soon.
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