April is the cruelest month, so says T.S. Eliot. While I am sure that he has a good reason for including that line in “The Wasteland,” I have no personal awareness of why that is. For 21st century audiences, maybe it’s because it symbolizes a third of the year being over, where it’s still close enough to the throes of winter and the painful reality that summer break is still weeks away. April is a month that feels like it just exists sometimes, but I wouldn’t say that this particular one was all that bad, for me anyway. Like every month as of late, there is something amazing about taking a moment to reminisce on the past four weeks. It may not seem like a lot happens, but when you break it down, there is something to be said for every small development. In a period where things were more stable than others, April ended up being great.
I’ll start with some diamond in the rough news. As many know, there is currently an ongoing crisis between legislators and the LGBTQIA+ community. The most infamous example is of course The Don’t Say Gay Bill, which has thankfully been contested and challenged with many poking holes in the harmful wording. There’s also the anti-trans legislation that seeks to take away healthcare from children and in many more subtle ways deny their existence. It’s all terrible and I’m enthused to see so many young adults fighting for their freedoms, even having some do presentations on Stonewall. As someone who didn’t feel like I had an idea of queer history until college when I watched How to Survive a Plague (2012), it’s always great to see people connecting with it at a younger age.
I would like to give a shoutout to Brigham Young University graduate Jillian Orr. As a Mormon school in Utah, views around homosexuality are predictably intolerant and things like The Don’t Say Gay Bill only seek to make speaking out more punishable. What Orr did is arguably one of the greatest moves in graduation history. As a bisexual woman, she had fear around expressing herself but chose to sew a rainbow flag into her graduation gown that she flashed during the ceremony. In a conservative environment like that, it sent a message. More importantly, I think there’s something both endearing and tragic about her revealing that she finally feels free to live the life she wants. I hope she continues to.
There are also interesting developments around Disney’s ongoing conflicts with donating to problematic causes. While they have promised to cease donations to any Florida causes for the time being, I want to focus on a development that’s gotten less attention. Walt Disney Co. co-founder Roy P. Disney’s step-child Charlee Corra came out as transgender and it has mostly gone over well. I wish them nothing but the best in life. I still think they have a lot to work on to get halfway as progressive as other studios, but I like to think they’re making small strides even if I still remain skeptical overall.
Another shoutout to the recent Jeopardy! winner Mattea Roach, who at 23 is the youngest super-champion at currently 18 days and the most successful Canadian citizen to ever appear on the show. She’s also a lesbian and has a very delightful personality that makes tuning in a whole lot of fun. What’s amazing is that in the short run since Alex Trebek’s passing, the series has produced great talents like Matt Amodio, Amy Schneider, and Roach who have all broken records and proved how while Trebek is sorely missed, it was always first and foremost about the contestants. I’m curious to see how far things can go for her.
My personal life has been interesting as well. As people who follow me know, April is a period largely of self-reflection, especially in 2022. I am someone attracted to anniversaries because I fear certain cyclical behaviors. For me, getting over that hump is more important than anything, and struggling to have healthier ways to cope has been the one I’ve been struggling with most. I wrote an essay about it that I’m proud of. I’m also reflecting on the death of my friend Dorian whose passing had a big impact on me. Add that my grandfather died last month and whose funeral was earlier this month, there’s been a strange period of looking to the past and trying to make sense of who I am and what these people mean to me.
As I write this, I have two more weeks of school to get through. It’s been a very difficult one but I am grateful for having a more dedicated approach to education than I used to. There’s no way I could’ve handled CSULB even at 25. As much as I feel a little behind the times, there’s still some pride in completing these personal goals. Not only that but to know that by the time I reconvene to write How I Live Now for May 2022, there’s a good chance that I have less than a year before I complete my long, complicated journey with education. If nothing else, I am proud to announce that this school year has featured Long Beach ranking as No. 1 for Big West in Men’s Basketball and No. 1 for Men’s Volleyball overall. It’s small things like this that make me proud to be an alumnus, to have a team that feels like it personally belongs to me.
I also have officially finished reading James Joyce’s “Ulysses” which is the most exhausting and rewarding book in equal measures. I still think the journey with Thomas Pynchon’s “Gravity’s Rainbow” and David Foster Wallace’s “Infinite Jest” has more of a satisfaction with finishing them, but as far as needlessly difficult texts go, it’s definitely an impressive achievement. If nothing else, I am tired of reading super-dense texts for a few weeks anyway. Bring on the V.C. Andrews!
Another thing that I enjoyed doing this month was getting a chance to see The Band’s Visit. If you just listen to the soundtrack, there’s a good chance that it doesn’t have the same appeal as Dear Evan Hansen or Hadestown. It’s not setting out to create crossover hits. What it’s doing is something much more profound, something more designed for theater. I think it’s a show that’s best experienced for oneself, as it carries with it such an intimacy of character that can only be captured on a stage, where the orchestration plays onstage as variables are moving, characters reflecting during one long night, waiting for morning to arise. Suddenly the music’s quietness begins to make sense, and I personally love it. I imagine that in a decade when I’ve seen it two or three more times it will be one of my favorite shows because I love the atmosphere of being lost in the middle of the night, looking for connection. It’s an amazing show and I cannot wait to see David Yazbek’s other musical Tootsie, which is also making its way around here in the not too distant future. For now, I have one of my biggest surprises in many years and I can only hope that it catches on because it deserves so much love.
Though speaking of stories around late night longing, I want to give a shout-out to We’re All Going to the World’s Fair (2022). It’s a new film from non-binary filmmaker Jane Schoenbrun, who claims that the story captures a distinctly trans experience of trying to find one’s identity through the internet, often in the late hours when everything else has fallen away. For whatever reason, I am drawn to these narratives, like The Myth of the American Sleepover (2010) or Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008) if because they present something that’s almost spiritual. It’s where one can feel most independent and unable to find comfort at the same time. The microbudget indie has so much going on in the simple confusion and desperation to find a connection. It’s not a horror film in the sense of jump scares, but one that captures the inherent loneliness in all of us around 2 AM, when the unreasonable makes sense. If you’re looking for more conventional horror, I might suggest Jennifer Reeder’s recent Night’s End (2022), which is a halfway decent film about occultists bonding over one lonely night on Zoom.
I would also be remised if I didn’t share that I am also a big fan of Jerrod Carmichael’s new special Rothaniel (2022), which is currently my favorite movie of the year. I’ve also recently seen Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), which has great queer representation but more importantly is an amazing commentary on what it means to struggle with identity and feeling like you’ve accomplished anything with your life. It’s very entertaining and I am dead serious about trying to see it in theaters again because it’s the closest to a genuine marvel that I’ve seen in years that I’ll regret not being able to see on the big screen somewhere down the line.
I want to also quickly plug the new Netflix series Heartstopper, which was created by Alice Oseman who is an aromantic asexual. There’s also a character named Isaac who is aro-ace, so there’s plenty for me to love in this cute high school drama. It also reminds me that I need to buy “Loveless” one of these days. I would also like to note that I’ve been following Dear Luke Love Me’s production history, which began filming recently, and it seems like a whole lot of fun.
In some sad news, The Los Angeles Clippers didn’t make it to the playoffs this year. I have very conflicted feelings about it given that I felt they were better than both teams they played going in. With that said, I am glad to have seen them twice this season, including against The Dallas Mavericks who have been doing amazing things since that November night (Go Luka!). I can understand why LAC hasn’t had the best of luck, but given that Tyronne Leu managed to coach the b-team into a legitimate threat some weeks is something I remain very proud of. I’m hoping that getting Kawhi Leonard back is really the piece that we need to kick things up to the next level.
As for the remaining playoffs, I think that The Brooklyn Nets are the best example of why getting vaccinated is a good idea that could help the greater community. It’s embarrassing how they fell apart and only part of it is because their Triple Threat from last season fell apart (has James Harden really lived up to his potential lately?). I also must apologize to close friends because I did underestimate The Golden State Warriors going into the playoffs because I assumed they wouldn’t connect after having so many injuries and setbacks. So far, I see a lot to be happy about and am here for Jordan Poole and The Poole Party. Been a fan since his rookie year, and it’s been fun watching him ascend. Finally, I am very proud of The New Orleans Pelicans for their success even without Zion Williamson. Just when I counted you guys out, you’ve proven yourself to be worthy of that love I’ve had for you as an underdog team.
We’re also in The WNBA Season, which may be uneventful for a little bit, BUT I am happy to say that I will be seeing a few games this summer including my beloved Las Vegas Aces and hopefully Sabrina Ionescu with The New York Liberty. Only time will tell. It’ll also be my first time at The Crypto Arena since its name change so I’m curious to see what that’s like.
As far as music goes, I will say that I’ve found a few albums that I’ve really enjoyed as of late. There is, of course, Charli XCX’s “Crash” that is a whole lot of fun. I’ve also discovered Lizzy McAlpine’s “five seconds flat,” which is one of my favorite discoveries in a few months just from a songwriting standpoint. She’s very talented and has a lot of catchy melodies to back her up. I’m surprised she’s not a bigger deal because I have been playing her record on repeat whenever I have 45 minutes of free time. I also have been enjoying Lizzo’s new single “About Damn Time,” though in general she just puts me in a good mood whenever her music comes on.
If you’re not watching Atlanta, please do. It’s one of the best series on TV and further proof that Donald Glover is on his own wavelength. What that show is doing is surreal and explorative in ways that are unlike anything I’ve seen on TV. In general, there’s been a lot of great stuff out there including The Dropout and Better Things. I also enjoy Winning Time even if it’s never quite been The Los Angeles Lakers series that I want it to be. When it’s on there’s something brilliant about it, but it’s mostly just a 3.5 star series, which is still a great way to kick off any given week. For now, I am grateful to have Atlanta there giving me enough weird vibes to get through the midweek ennui.
I am confident that there’s a lot to look forward to in May, but I will keep most of it secret. There’s a good chance that I’ll be seeing Avenue Q for the first time as well as just enjoying the post-semester relaxation. I’m really hoping to take advantage of this break because it has been an exhausting few months and maybe the first time where I’ve truly felt like a university student. There’s also talk that The Tony Award nominations come out next week, which are going to be brilliant as usual. I don’t know anything about A Strange Loop, but I’m hearing that it’s the next big thing. All I want are OBCRs to fill my ears and give me something to sing along to. Musicals are so rejuvenating and I love when a new one becomes part of your life.
As a whole, life’s been good to me and I’ve had so many great experiences just in the past four weeks. Is April really the cruelest month? I am not entirely sure of that. Sometimes it definitely feels the most stagnant, but so long as one follows their dreams I think it feels less hollow. At times I was focused on the past but at others I was on the future, the potential of where my life can go. I’ve greatly appreciated what persistence has done for me and I hope that May brings some worthwhile achievements. If nothing else, the free time will hopefully bring with it more time to write and be creative. I’ve missed doing that more than anything else.
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