The odometer has rolled over yet again and January is quickly coming to a close. I suppose in some respect, it’s difficult to feel the same enthusiasm for this month that one would have with December. Nobody is counting down the hours that transition January 31 to February 1. It’s just another month and, when we all get together in 11 months recall what’s so great about this year, it’s the most likely to be forgotten. It’s probably just a side effect of the old “last in line first in mind” adage, but it’s also the reality that this tends to be a fairly uneventful month compared to most. It’s the calm before the storm, allowing some peace before things start to pick up.
To be completely honest, this was also a bit of a difficult month personally for me. Upon getting my fourth vaccination in late December, I had continual congestion issues following symptoms that convinced me I got COVID-19 for the second time in four months. I’m doing my best to overcome it and build back stamina, though lengthy talking is difficult and I find myself long-winded if a sentence goes for too many words. I want to believe that it’s also a side effect of The Southern California Weather, which has featured a historic rainy period. It’s not only helped snow packs and replenished resources impacted by the drought, but it’s caused large sinkholes and flooding. Governor Gavin Newsom had to get special funding from the president.
So at least I hope with the majority of the rainstorms passed that my voice can start to come back. I have greatly missed it and think that it will become necessary as the next phase of my life happens. As mentioned before, I am currently in my final semester as a university student and likely a student in general. While it hasn’t gone totally according to plan (notably around scheduling), there’s so much to enjoy about this final run. I think it gives me more inspiration to try that little bit harder and hopefully get over the finish line with an impressive portfolio. If nothing else, I stand to raise my overall G.P.A. (including college dropout years) to a hefty 3.0. Time will tell how successful that will be.
I suppose if there’s any good news to come out of the past month, I would say that I am becoming a fan of The Oscars again. After a hiatus caused by major mental health struggles, I am starting to see their value again. I think this is in correlation to how I feel about social life during the pandemic, and 2022 was one where I could feel proud to be social without fearing for my life. I’m realizing there is still a lot of anxiety to unpack around 2020 and 2021, but for now, I can go to the theater and just have a good time – provided I’m wearing a mask. I can sit in a theater and wash away a morning to Babylon (2022). It’s beautiful.
And the Oscar nominations have been some of the most exciting in a long time. I still can’t believe that Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) became as much of a sensation as it has. I do believe it’s very much deserved and stands to be my highest ranked Best Picture winner since 12 Years a Slave (2013). It’s so innovative and shows the potential of cinema in ways that The Academy has rarely embraced in the past. It’s also the end-all-be-all of multiverse movies so we can stop with that now (PLEASE). But among the nominations, I’m happy to see Stephanie Hsu in there, if just because I think she presents a queer character that cinema hasn’t really tackled before and I do think it bodes well for LGBTQIA+ representation being nominated in the future. Also, General Butt-Fucking Naked is an Oscar nominee! That’s right, Bryan Tyree Henry has finally broken into the class and I’m nothing but happy for him. In general, I think it’s a good bunch though I still remain lukewarm on the appeal of The Fabelmans (2022).
I would love to say that I have more, but it would greatly derail the overall flow of this piece. I guess I’m also happy to see Barry Keoghan for The Banshees of Inisherin (2022) and Ana De Armas for Blonde (2022). I understand that I am in the minority in liking Blonde, but regardless I think she does excellent work in it and I think elevates a complicated portrayal into something mesmerizing. For the record, I don’t think it’s a great Marilyn Monroe movie. I just think it’s a brilliant character study of mental illness and Monroe just happens to be the vessel it’s used for because we live in a franchise-driven world.
Overall, I’m trying to remain optimistic coming into January 2023 because I do think being sick so consistently has caused me to feel more down on myself. I have felt more limited in what I can do, and that doesn’t work with my advantageous personality right now. I’m taking small steps to make sure that I don’t relapse or fall back on bad behavior. I’m finding small ways to reward myself, like going to a thrift store to buy jeans. I am proud to say that over the past eight years, I have gone down six sizes. Given that I struggle with body image and have difficulty calling myself attractive or even desirable, it’s a small accomplishment that I feel makes me aware of how gradual change is. One can hope this push for better health continues into my late 30s because this small detail has made me feel good. Also, I just like having pants that fit properly and look decent.
Other than that, it’s been a struggle to really see the good in the world every time I wake up. Along with the ongoing homophobic behavior of legislature, I was saddened to learn that one of my favorite YouTubers, Jessie Gender, got in a bit of a Twitter conflict with J.K. Rowling over upcoming Harry Potter merchandise. I would daresay Jessie handled it well though Rowling scapegoating and ignoring her criticism feels indicative of a larger problem with transphobes and those unwilling to see a perspective outside their own. I can’t say it’s shocking necessarily, especially since Jessie has been known to put herself in the line of fire with poignant commentary, but it’s bizarre to see it become a story that was trending on the front page of Bing (yes, I do occasionally get my news that way). I don’t know that I have a great story about falling out of love with Harry Potter, but it has become disconcerting with each new reveal.
In general, I want to believe that the news will start becoming more empathetic towards LGBTQIA+ community members. Though hey, it’s not all bad. I saw A Man Called Otto (2022) and they had passable transgender representation where Tom Hanks called bigots stupid. Not a major victory, but you take the wins where you can.
Speaking of, there’s a handful of shows that I’ve fallen in love with since I last wrote here. There’s Somebody Somewhere, which is an HBO show awaiting its second season and focuses on people living in the Midwest. I watched it over three days and it features an impressive array of characters all trying to live their 40+-year-old lives and feel relevant in their own ways. I may only be 33, but there are small things about it that are endearing to me and I find it the warm hug I needed. If nothing else, it has one of the more impressive arrays of queer representation I have seen. Even the jokes about pronouns make you want to smile and do a fist-pump.
There’s also Sort Of, which I’m closing in on the first season and having an amazing time with. It’s an HBO Max show that manages to break down being non-binary in ways that are abundantly fresh and capture a sense of dynamic and agency. The characters are still flawed and have conflict, but I think Bilal Baig shows that there’s was to comment on contemporary queer existence without it being the whole identity. There’s so much here that’s just about awkward babysitting days or visiting sick relatives in the hospital or even relationships. I guess to some extent it has a sitcom vibe, but there’s a warmth and depth that feels essential. It isn’t as clean and straightforward as Heartstopper, but I still like it. If nothing else, it’s doing the whole queer celebration leagues better than Velma.
I have also been listening to a lot of music as of late. Like most people, I am a big fan of SZA’s “S.O.S.” album and find it to be such a cathartic listen. I love her candid lyrics and how it blends with the melody to reveal the emotional truth. It’s powerful stuff that may take a lot of swings tonally, but I think is calculated in a way for maximum effect. Of course “Kill Bill” is an incredible track and I love its descent from revenge into regret. Likely to be one of my most played albums for 2023 as well. Also, if you haven’t heard Switched On Pop’s episode dedicated to it, I highly recommend it.
Other than that, I have been going through different phases. I have enjoyed Phoebe Bridgers and have been relistening to “Punisher” a lot. This is not because of the recent boygenius output, though it does help me want to go back and explore her older catalog. Still, what a beautiful album. Other work I’ve enjoyed has included Nicole Dollanganger, who had one of the first 2023 releases with “Married in Mount Airy,” which has this beautifully hushed tone to everything that makes me love her more. She also has an E.P. dedicated to the movie Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995) called “Ode to Dawn Wiener” which is a bunch of romantic balladry if they were co-written by Todd Solondz and I kind of love that even more. I also listened to Gender Reveal and they had the singer from Hurray for the Riff Raff on. I finally listened to their work as a result and I’m happy to report that “Life on Earth” and “The Navigator” are both very good with my love being more for the latter. I just love how it explores identity and uses melody in ways that transport you through the sonic experience.
I would also like to quickly shout out Left At London. I recognize that they’re not as new, but I became intrigued to check out their “Transgender Street Legend” E.P.’s and am happy to say that I find them very enjoyable. Given that Wikipedia suggests that the singer’s autism makes them good at imitation, I felt like there was a lot to immediately latch onto. While I feel like cumulatively this is the work of a newer artist who hasn’t fully found their voice, there’s still a lot that’s amazingly accomplished. I love the exploration of identity and what it means to be trans from their perspective. There are songs about other things, like police brutality, but mostly it’s just an eclectic mix of songs that are sometimes humorous other times tragic but always exciting. I’m curious to check out more.
Finally, I want to give a quick mention to Hildur Guonadottir and the score for Women Talking (2022). While I respect her as a composer, it has been difficult to fully love what she was doing. I guess I am not as immediately in love with cello as she is, and it’s what kept me from finding the appeal of scores like Joker (2019) and Tar (2022). I could hear what made them emotionally resonant, but none could compare to the openness I felt with Women Talking. While it’s among the shorter work, it’s also amazingly dense and full of these moments that draw you in. The atmosphere is incredible and I only wished that this was 40+ minutes longer.
Beyond this, I don’t have much to really discuss here. January was an average month for me and I’m hoping February reveals itself to be a much more satisfying period. If nothing else, I am one of those who saw the trailer for Emily (2023) and got way too nerdy about it. While I’m sure it will be a decent biopic of Emily Brontë, I wonder if it will compare to the majesty of A Quiet Passion (2016) or fall closer to the less enthralling Mary Shelley (2017). Whatever the cause, I look at the production values and find myself wanting to throw myself at the film. It has been way too long since I’ve seen a well-produced period piece… someone find me Corsage (2022) and maybe I’ll be able to tithe myself over.
Otherwise, life’s been good to me so far. Sometimes I’m going through the motions but mostly I’m finding ways to stay productive. Given that it hasn’t rained in a while, I may be inclined to mow the yard or even go for more walks. Maybe I’ll just take in the fresh air more often and see if that clears anything up. With that said, I have a lot planned for February that will hopefully make it into next month’s column. For one, I’m finally going to Legoland and may be attending some live theater. I know it may not seem like a lot, but it’s the small things that keep me sane, making me able to appreciate what I have in this world. I hope that I continue to remain an optimist because it has gotten me this far and I’d love to go a little bit further.
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