How I Live Now: February 2023

There are many things that make up life’s great mysteries. Chief among them for this piece is how February could be a month so short and yet feels packed with activity. Compared to January when I went stir-crazy from a lack of eventfulness, I found myself wanting to scale things back a smidge and appreciate what I already had. It was one of those times when you realize that there are only seven days in a week, that the middle of a month is not that far off. It’s crazy to think about summarizing February up for me because there’s a plethora of things to choose from and I worry that I’ll leave plenty of it out by accident.

My top priority right now is getting through what I envision as my last school semester. Despite numerous starts and stops, it’s insane to think that my hypothetical graduation is less than three months away. I could be looking at my B.A. within a very short window here. It’s surreal for a variety of reasons, including that I really don’t have a clue what Act II of this story is going to look like. I want to believe that I’m producing regular writing for either some publication or company; that even if I’m not respected for my voice directly that it is contributing to a larger cause. To me, it’s scary and maybe even debilitating to think about, but it’s something that I will be needing to address sooner than later.

For now, I am happy to report that after some delays, I am officially taking a class that’s about Virginia Woolf… sort of. In Fall 2022, I had signed up for an English course that was dedicated solely to her work. Having come off of a James Joyce course that remains one of the best classes I have taken, I was hopeful that the world of close literary analysis would fill my little heart with joy. For reasons unknown, that class was canceled. Due to poor timing on my part, I missed out on the Spring 2023 version of the same class and almost settled for something else when a student e-mail circulated talking about a Bloomsbury class that would focus specifically on Woolf and E.M. Forester.

While I have read sections of “A Room of One’s Own,” my main attraction to Woolf comes from the film version of Orlando (1992) which I really resonated with. I wanted to know more about her. Given that I’ve also taken this time to do a brief research on her life, I find aspects of her view of identity and mental health to be compelling and I think inform her work very well. While I didn’t love “Night and Day,” I am currently in the middle of “Mrs. Dalloway” and having a much better time with it (let alone that it feels like a petty response to Joyce’s “Ulysses”). I’m hoping this journey continues to produce insightful viewpoints and I hope that when we get to “Orlando” in March that it only enhances my appreciation more.

Before I move entirely off of the subject of CSULB, I want to share some great news. It is Men’s Volleyball season and I’m happy to report that depending on the week, we are currently sitting atop the NCAA brackets. As of this writing, I want to say we’re still in the Top 5. While Men’s Basketball hasn’t necessarily been as hot, they have produced enough tense games that come down to a one possession shot. Given that both of these groups have had record attendance this month, it’s also just thrilling to see the crowd get into it. I also want to give a shoutout to Women’s Basketball, which has acquired a substantial lead after winning over 10 games in a row. It’s a great season to root for The Beach, let alone because you’re likely to see Elbee do the splits.

While I’m at it, I might as well quickly break down some sport news from the past month. Both NBA and WNBA have been establishing trades lately and there’s plenty of emotion in every direction. For starters, I am happy to see Candace Parker move to The Las Vegas Aces and improve that powerhouse. I’m also surprised that The New York Liberty is going from a scrappy underdog team to now boasting one of the best line-ups in the league (very curious how Breonna Stewart will play). I wouldn’t doubt it since I saw Sabrina Ionescu play last year and will join the bandwagon praising her greatness. In the realm of NBA, I am having very mixed feelings about The Los Angeles Clippers trading Luke Kennard and Reggie Jackson who I consider to be great role players, especially since I’m not as wowed by Mason Plumlee. With that said, I am very curious about how the Russell Westbrook trade will go. The midseason trades are always an interesting time and provide a much-needed shake-up. It’s just that being a fan of The Clippers sometimes is having to accept that your love of their B-Team is temporary. I guess the good in all of this is that Kawhi Leonard is playing regularly again and putting up top numbers.

To shift back to me for a little bit, I also have been keeping busy in more ways than academia. After taking a month off to charge my batteries, I have officially started the first draft of my next novel, temporarily titled Novel3 for obvious reasons. I don’t wish to share a lot at this time, but there has been plenty of catharsis around writing chapters that I have had outlined in my head since August 2021. This is my densest outline and a story that I hope will dive into creative corners that I haven’t really allowed myself to explore. I want to capture real emotions with this one and, if I stick to the script, there’s a good chance I will.

Other than that, I have recently crossed a milestone off of my bucket list. Okay, maybe milestone isn’t the most appropriate word, but I have now officially been to Legoland. The place opened when I was 10 years old and there were many reasons I didn’t go decades prior. The most notable is expenses. However, it was a place that has kept me curious even if I predicted that this was a theme park more geared towards the younger set. It’s maybe why we waited until now when my nieces were six and able to appreciate their journey. As it stands, I didn’t really go on any of the rides due to lack of interest and I spent a fair amount of time more interested in the various statues made out of bricks. 

I’m not usually one for theme parks. The most prominent ones around my area are Disneyland and Universal Studios, both of which have their appeal (maybe more so than Legoland) but I’m not attracted to crowds or the sense of artifice they usually carry. To me, Disneyland adults are creepy because they have an undying love that feels a bit lacking in critical thinking. I get loving the iconography, but have a sense of composure. Legoland at least has the benefit of having kids and adults alike who are nostalgic without having that same sense of enthusiasm. For me personally, I wanted more history at the park and would’ve loved a museum of iconic sets throughout the decades. 

If nothing else, it got me to play an internet version of Lego Island again and… I kind of miss it but you also admire how far a computer game has come in 25 years (it’s no Stray). I also discovered teqball while staying at the hotel, so it was more than worth it.

I also found the fabled “Everyone is Awesome” set that was sold during Pride Month 2022. I think that I am a vulnerable sucker for rainbow capitalism because I went out of my way to buy it. While I’m saving actually building it for June, there was some joy in seeing the Progress Flag design sold in most stores there. While their LGBTQIA+ merch may have been lacking otherwise, there’s no reason to doubt that they at least are more sincere than certain companies. I guess I find small comfort every time I acquire something gay (tempted to buy Imogen Binnie’s “Nevada” with some money I have left over from the trip). As dumb as it sounds, even purchasing cheap asexual and trans flags from Target last year give me some solace.

Maybe that’s because on some level I feel like it makes me more committed to my identity. It could also be that right now the world feels like an awful place. While President Biden insists that he will protect the rights, I feel like there’s too much threat from a local level. I know it’s bad when California has come under fire. There’s talk that the results of Prop 8 may be changed. Huntington Beach, CA says they won’t fly the rainbow flag in front of city hall. Sure there’s some good, such as Laguna Beach, CA getting a rainbow lifeguard station (though Long Beach did it first), but I do worry that everything is backsliding. You look other places and you see J.K. Rowling pushing hateful rhetoric while Dave Chappelle won a fucking Grammy for that special where he said he was Pro-TERF. To comment on the former, a video that Jessie Gender did on Hogwarts Legacy in partnership with Aranock inspired me to explore my relationship to the Harry Potter franchise. Aranock’s section especially moved me and was a big inspiration for this essay I wrote.

I do love that while The Grammys screwed up the comedy category, their choice to give Kim Petras an award was greatly appreciated. I am personally indifferent to Sam Smith, though I am one of those who does enjoy the strange radio dominance of “Unholy.” I didn’t watch much of the ceremony, though I was fortunate to catch Petras’ speech. I found it very touching and I’m very happy for her. I also love that she gave Sophie a shoutout. With all of that said, she has a pretty fun Halloween record called “Turn Off the Light” if you want to check out more from her.

To shift gears only slightly, I have also had a voracious appetite when it’s come to music this month. I feel like I’m averaging 20 new albums a month and digging into the crate of stuff I haven’t listened to in years. I just feel inspired to embrace my curious side. It’s what inspired me to start the column Infinite Playlist, which I hope will go into further detail on what albums I’m enjoying at any given time. Right now, I am all about Caroline Polachek’s “Desire, I Want to Turn Into You,” which is such a beautiful, upbeat record that fills me with euphoria every time I play it. The harmonies on “Welcome to My Island” alone are overwhelming and move my soul. 

I think it also goes without saying that I’m riding hard for the new Lana Del Rey song “A&W” right now. For me, it ranks among her most interesting work and I think has so many fun parts that make me want to listen to it on repeat. There’s a psychedelic quality to it that makes it feel like a culmination of a career while also symbolizing where things can go. I love the random decision to staple the front half’s more collected approach with the freeform closer that feels like an acid trip on vinyl. You best believe I have the album’s release date marked on my calendar and I can’t wait to spend time breaking it open. “Blue Bannisters” was a high point in my opinion because of how classical it was with offbeat production around the fringes. Even with stuff like Polachek and Nicole Dollanganger (I also have a soft spot for Ice Spice) already filling my free time I’m ready for this to be my album of the year – and not just because the title alludes to someplace in Long Beach.

I would also like to give a quick shoutout to the most unlikely of things. While I am by no means a video game person, I have been enjoying the HBO adaptation of The Last of Us. Every episode has been rich with these endearing character moments where people search for humanity within an apocalypse. True, episode three remains the hallmark of the series so far, but I’m loving the chemistry among everyone else and think that it’s building to something very exciting. I’m still someone who prefers the concreteness of Station Eleven, but this still has plenty of charm and will serve me well until Succession comes back in the not too distant future. 

Since the chances of me talking about it more are slim, I want to also highlight Wu-Tang: An American Saga, which is a Hulu series about The Wu-Tang Clan. I have really enjoyed the first two seasons and am curious to know where the final one goes. Given that last season was about the making of “Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers),” I imagine that this will be about the aftermath of their success and whatever hallmarks the series deems relevant. I’m honestly someone who gets excited by “communities” of all kinds in media, and Wu-Tang is one that feels so immersive that I can’t help but be curious about what each of them is like. I think the closest my generation had to that experience was Odd Future, though I’d argue the output is unequivocally less successful early on (with that said, I recently discovered Steve Lacy’s “Gemini Rights” and that’s a brilliant record). At the time the show got flagged as being inferior to the documentary Of Mics and Men, but I still think there’s value in the fictionalized take. I just wish it got more attention throughout its run.

Then there’s Marc Maron’s From Bleak to Dark, which is the final product of the tour that I saw him on. My two cents on what made it to the recording is that it’s the best of what that performance had. While some of it was clearly him workshopping and you could see him being critical of his work, it’s interesting to have seen an artist in the process of something. There’s so many smiles and comments to the crowd that aren’t present in the final version, though for great reason. The impact hits a lot stronger. I think this will be special for me just because of the reasons I already discussed. With that said, I am fully willing to admit that his routine on Lynn Shelton was powerful in person and revisiting it here makes me think it’s one of the best things he’s ever done. I don’t know that it will convert new fans, but given that it taps into what makes me love his candidness on WTF more, I highly recommend seeing it just for how it embodies my belief that being open can be helpful in processing your grief.

To go off on one last tangent, I want to talk about why A.I. bothers me. At some point a few weeks ago, I was on Twitter and saw people making fun of these women that were clearly designed by a computer. They either had too many fingers or their eyebrows were off. While it’s easy to mock, for me I am personally scared because I think it reflects comfort with shifting too much of our resources to a computer. It’s taking out the human integrity in art and life, making us more likely to diminish a sense of creativity that remained valuable to our survival. As it stands, I don’t find A.I. to have produced a single compelling image. They’re standard and corporate in appearance, but nothing that I don’t prefer drawn by an artist whose every pen stroke makes something special. 

I think it’s also because in 2020 I was suffering from the feeling that I fear A.I. will ultimately give me. The quarantine had made most of my human interaction reduced to computers. If it wasn’t on Zoom, it was text on social media. There’s such a lack of humanity in those exchanges that I began to question what was real and it influenced part of my dissociation. It was scary to feel that removed from things. I need to have that human connection and regaining it in 2021 was a long journey. I’m happy if you can get through this time without having mental problems, but not me. I think it’s in some respect a byproduct of growing up on technophobic thrillers in the 90s and being taught that computers will take over our lives. I can’t stand calling a computer by pronouns. It’s an It, plain and simple. Humanizing inanimate objects, especially those that seek to imitate humans in ways that put us in a bad codependence isn’t for me. I don’t want to live in a world where A.I. bots write essays and create our standards of beauty. I have enough trouble appreciating what’s real without that. 

Maybe there’s more to this story than I have mentioned here. Some stray events from January that I didn’t comment on included seeing Ride the Cyclone, which moved me to the point that I’m still thinking about it a near month later. I’m also looking forward to whatever March has in store, whether it be The Oscars, Succession returning, Lana Del Rey gracing our ears, or just being closer to graduation. I’m sure there’s a lot more that will become cornerstones of 2023 for me. As it stands, I’m planning to finally see Avatar: The Way of Water (2022) in a cheap theater just to see if the high quality can break through the mediocre setting (honestly tired of pandering to blockbusters that insist they’re better than the indie market they crushed more than ever last year). Oh yeah, and I’m seeing the Mean Girls musical. I got my pink shirt picked out and everything.

Another note that I would like to make is that President Jimmy Carter is currently at home in hospice care as of this writing. Given that he’s one of my heroes, I am very concerned for his health though admire that he made it to 98 and still had a vital need to serve others. If he passes in the near future, expect me to write some sort of tribute. For now, I encourage you to recognize what made him a great leader and one of America’s most underappreciated presidents of the late 20th century. Still, it’s going to be crazy that there will be only one living 20th century president left after him. Hard to believe given how recent it still feels to me. 

To conclude, there are a lot of reasons that February was a better month for me personally. Where I was suffering from sickness and fatigue in January, I remain busy coming out the other side. The chill weather may still provide problems now and then, but I manage to pull through and find small successes. I’m hoping March can deliver that as well. It hasn’t yet been an amazing year for me, but I have set the groundwork for one. Here’s hoping that I can achieve it in the most satisfying, memorable ways possible.