It’s that time of year again. As Ben Platt would say: end of May or early June. Wish that I could say that it’s a picture perfect afternoon as I write this, but given how rainy it has been in 2023, everything is currently overcast. It’s not bad. I much prefer it to the dog days of summer. Even then, there’s the other side effects of a looming season. The grass needs to be trimmed and the weeds must be pulled. There’s a lot to keep me busy, and there’s a good chance that I’ll have plenty of time to take care of everything in a timely manner.
That’s in part because of one major accomplishment. If May 2023 is not remembered for anything else, it is officially the month that I graduated from CSULB. While I am currently taking care of some loose-end classes right now, the bulk of my time as a campus student is over. How bittersweet to see things come to an end. Compared to the Associate’s Degree level, I managed to do this in a respectable amount of time. I achieved my Bachelor’s Degree over six semesters and two years (the last one only being a tandem six weeks). It’s surreal to know not only that I did it, but unless things go south in the next few weeks, I will have graduated with almost exclusively A’s and B’s with only one (deserved) C and a G.P.A. of 3.6. While I’ve talked about it before, the idea that I could succeed in academia in this way surprises me. I didn’t imagine it happening even 10 years ago, when my life felt less focused.
But I thought that I would begin by talking about my ceremony. Over the course of a few days, the entire graduating class was ushered in and out of Angel Stadium to do what you do. What’s funny is that the event in itself was controversial and websites like The Press Telegram were writing articles about how the dean was booed during her speech. To put it simply, we have several thousand students and the argument was that there wouldn’t be enough time for every person to walk across the stage. There were alternatives, such as a filmed entrance, but there was an outcry that there should’ve been more. This was especially true among the first generation students who got something out of looking into the crowd and seeing their families supportively cheering. I respect that. I understand why they’re mad. According to The Press Telegram article, there were allegedly thousands who signed a petition to let us walk that wasn’t accepted.
There is some irony to be found in that I mostly agreed to participate because I didn’t have to walk. Having been through this three times before, I have gotten my jollies out of shaking the hand of someone who I never had a one-on-one conversation with while I was at the school. There’s been disastrous graduations. There’s been mediocre ones. I’m fine just sitting there and having the staff celebrate The Masters Candidates who have achieved an incredible lot. This school produces a lot of amazing minds and I’m happy to at least be on their roster. To continue to discuss this article, there was also a report that supposedly every ceremony (including mine) featured booing from the students when the dean spoke. Another had an air horn, whom I was told was escorted to the great beyond. Meanwhile, a later TikTok video emerged of a lone student jumping the line and running across the stage, and declaring “I was the only student to walk at my graduation.” Again, I don’t want to walk or really make a spectacle of this event, but it's nice to have some memories.
Most of my issues were less to do with what I knew would be there. To the staff’s credit, I want to thank them for a professional ceremony. I was able to check in and get to where I needed to easily and there was no conflict at any point. Even the exterior stages and grad merch store were well-executed. Elbee was there and I enjoyed seeing them. However, the one thing that felt a bit slight is that for a ceremony transparently cutting corners for time management, it made no sense why we didn’t have better or more speakers. No disrespect to who spoke, but given that my community college produced the photographer for George W. Bush as a keynote speaker, it’s bizarre that all we got was someone who graduated. CSULB seems like a school that might’ve produced one or two Creative Writing Majors worthy of writing this inspirational speech. Even rereading that David Foster Wallace ditty would’ve been fine. The speakers did fine, but it felt like something was missing. I was able to walk around for 30 minutes in front of the stadium and leave with another 80 minutes before the next ceremony. What gives?
All in all, I can’t complain about how the day went. I’m no one for pomp and circumstance. There is something that makes me insecure about being the center of attention. I don’t like the excessive amount of pictures and I never felt like the mortarboard sat right. Still, nothing bad happened and I’ll take that as a win. I went to a used bookstore after and got some new titles, including Julia Powell’s “Cleaving,” as celebration. I suppose the Powell book seemed prescient because while I didn’t know her, we did have one of those Twitter encounters that you wouldn’t think twice about had she not died the following week. I asked what Cate Blanchett movie to watch and she suggested Notes on a Scandal (2007). It’s a small moment that actually tied me to some cruel conspiracists who mocked her death for two weeks after. I’m curious to see if I like her writing since I know people who speak kindly of her as a person. I also stopped by a nearby Best Buy and got Clerks III (2022) on BluRay, which I haven’t seen but want to do a thorough marathon of Kevin Smith’s trilogy to see how I respond to each of them.
To close out this overlong discussion of my graduation, I want to add a footnote to a previous post on my graduation. I mentioned that the past two ceremonies especially left me feeling sad and afraid. Given that I’ve been more emotionally vulnerable in the past two years, I worried that this would be the greatest disappointment yet. It’s been one week since that day and I’m happy to note that I’m okay. Not great, but still chugging along and appreciating the merits of my accomplishments. I think having a different mindset this time around definitely helped.
Though to shift into something a bit related, it’s been difficult to really engage with LGBTQIA+ news as of late. Along with the typical sense that everyone wants to murder innocent people just living their lives, there’s the fact that a trans woman made national headlines for being unable to graduate if she wore a dress. I haven’t looked too much into it, but as someone who got barred for wearing shorts, I totally sympathize with her struggle and hope she got a respectful experience.
There’s also the even more deflating fact that Target’s upcoming Pride Collection has already been compromised because of protestors being aggressive to staff and knocking over signs. While the stories are of locations back east, I do worry that it has migrated to California and will show itself whenever I go to do my annual perusing. It’s easy to make fun of Rainbow Capitalism™, but at the same time, I think that there’s some catharsis in being seen as marketable. I don’t think that Target necessarily has the best merchandise, but the reliability of it being there has been a comfort to me for the past two years. I’ve seen the recent run in a video by Annamarie Forcino and I’m not in love with a lot of it, but I’m curious to see if anything speaks to me. Even then, the constant negation has really impacted my psyche to the point that I’m taking a prolonged break from Twitter. I can’t stand it. Why are we only talking about queerness in terms of suffering? When will we have a few triumphs?
With that said, I would love to see them protest Spencer’s Gifts’ take on Pride Month. I heard they had rainbow-colored vibrators. Would be wild if they had any confidence in throwing those on the floor.
Because that’s the thing. I know that it’s tough all around. There is a reason to keep your activist hat on and fight back. However, the forces that be are too powerful. They withhold it from you and keep you from having any energy. Why must I wake up to see Kid Rock sending death threats to Dylan Mulvaney by shooting up beer cans? This world is a joke and I can’t handle it. Even in this moment where I should be happy for graduating, I’m left wondering what this world even has to look forward to. Where’s the queer joy to at least remind us why being gay is a special, special thing? I guess we have it in the recent 100 Gecs tour, but as loyal readers will know, I missed out on tickets to the event of the year. But alas, I’ve tried finding some of it where I can. There is a great community out there deserving of more attention. I’m tired of everyone framing this like a self-destructive manifesto.
Though sure, if you want to get technical there is The Tony Awards to look forward to. I assumed that they would be caught up in the recent Writer’s Strike, but they’re part of a different union I guess and I’m looking forward to the ceremony. As people close to me will know, I am a big fan of Kimberly Akimbo and want to see it win a bunch. If nothing else, I want to see what song it chooses for the big performance. I have been listening to the other soundtracks and don’t have any enthusiastic opinions to share. On the one hand, they’re better than last year’s group. However, I am a bit too tired of jazz-style musicals to enjoy the zippiness of Some Like It Hot even if it’s probably going to be a dazzling, entertaining little number and a nice counterprogramming to the “anti-drag” conversation going on. I’m a little more keen on Shucked though on an instinctive level, I feel like it’s not one I will revisit often. It’s funny and catchy, but there’s a certain pathos that feels missing. I’m not sure if that’s just because the story makes no sense to me on the recording. I promise I’ll get to &Juliet at some point, but I’m not expecting to be a convert off of music alone. Also, I am a fan of Parade and would love to see Ben Platt win something because he has only gotten better since Dear Evan Hansen.
To discuss TV real quick, I write this a few days short of the Succession finale, which you can soon watch on HBO Max. This show has been incredible front to back and the writing is brilliant. I’m not business-minded nor fully understand what the appeal of ATN is, but it’s nice to see a grand family drama play out where the quest for power has produced feuds and partnerships you wouldn’t expect. I’m cliché in suggesting that this is one of the best shows on TV and the episodes since a certain character’s fallout have been this pleasant reveal of what happens when all guards are down and you’re left to fend for yourself. Everyone has their emotional crux and I’m just thrilled to see if this show ends on a high note. Not to be petty, but this is genuinely the interesting parts of Game of Thrones for me without the fodder that I wasn’t wild about.
Among the newer shows, I would highly recommend checking out Unicorn: Warriors Eternal over on [adult swim]. It’s probably the first show on the network I’ve watched in many years and the first I’ve stayed up until midnight to enjoy. It’s a nice little treat before bed. I’m not one of those Genndy Tartakovsky apologists, but I will agree that his animation is illuminating, and every frame has this beauty that keeps me mesmerized. It helps that it’s maybe the most creative, bombastic story on TV right now. I have scaled back on a lot of what I watch, but this is something special. I’m enjoying the discourse around it and hope it continues to go in an exciting direction. Also, if you haven’t been watching Somebody Somewhere, I highly recommend it because it is my go-to comfort watch right now and I’m grateful to have it back. Also, apparently The Great is back? Huzzah!
To discuss basketball real quick, there are a few things of note to mention. By the time this is published, we may very well be on our way to The NBA Finals. If we are, I’ll be thrilled to witness The Denver Nuggets play The Miami Heat. Given that I’ve been fairly underwhelmed by a lot of The Playoffs so far, the idea of these two matching up is a nice touch. The Heat especially has been fun to watch because Jimmy Butler feels like he has a vendetta. Meanwhile, I am curious to see if The Nuggets will pull an upset and catapult Nikola Jokic to the status of greats. I’ve been hit and miss on that team in general, but they have been great in crunch time. The only annoying thing is that upon winning The Western Conference Finals, The Nuggets’ historic win was overshadowed by a trolling comment by Lebron James that he might retire. It feels disrespectful, especially since it’s clear that it’s a comment made less from a quality standpoint but from an advertising perspective. The Los Angeles Lakers will OF COURSE get more eyes. That’s how they have been for decades. However, no way were they better than The Nuggets, not when they lose 4-0 like that. Give Denver their respect. I’m nervous to see if Miami annihilates them.
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Also, The WNBA is back and I am thrilled at the prospects of what this season will be. There have only been a few games at this point and I’d argue you can’t judge quality off of that. With that said, I am still riding high on The Las Vegas Aces becoming a dynasty with another win. They have upgraded their gym and A’ja Wilson, Candace Parker, and Kelsey Plum have popped up in a handful of commercials during NBA games. Their opener against The Seattle Storm found them scoring triple digits, which is among the best openers in league history. Elsewhere, I am keeping an eye on The New York Liberty who have reassembled their team into something promising. I am hoping the best for Sabrina Ionescu and Breonna Stewart as dominant forces. Also, from what little I’ve seen I want to believe that The Los Angeles Sparks will have a comeback season after that notorious fallout with Liz Cambage last season. By the next time I write one of these, there’s a good chance that I’ll have seen The Liberty play The Sparks, so here’s hoping I got some good stories from that.
My music experience lately has been a bit all over the place. As I mentioned in a previous essay, I am really into jazz right now. Of the records I’ve heard, Charles Mingus and Sonny Rollins are my favorites. Mingus especially has pushed the genre into interesting modes of expression and I’m eager to keep finding more and more from him. I also have been meaning to get into Herbie Hancock and Sun Ra, though I’ve taken some time off to help what I’ve heard resonate. I’ve also gotten into the music of DJ Shadow, Emancipator, Kid Koala, and Panchiko who all have these great soundscapes that work really well with studying. “Endtroducing” is a classic for a reason. I would also like to give a quick shoutout to the Billy Woods & Kenny Segal album “Maps,” which has a lot of clever rhymes and great production on it that grows with each listen.
With that said, a last minute addition to this list is Kesha’s latest “Gag Order.” Given that “Rainbow” is one of my favorite albums, I have been curious to check out her later work. I’ve enjoyed her expression and the way she delves into emotion with these rugged lyrics that may be borderline trashy, but have some heart buried in the desperation and nastiness of her personality. This record especially is thrilling and I love how it feels very vulnerable in everything from the lyrics to the production. I have only given it one listen, but it’s a phenomenal little experience that may lack a commercial lens, but I think speaks to what pop should be. I’m hoping on several more listens that this becomes one of the best for the year. Right now, I love how often I was taken aback over 40 minutes. If nothing else, it does raise the important question: who doesn’t want to be reincarnated as a house cat? Very few albums have done that for me and it’s a necessary part of art.
I suppose that I’ll start wrapping things up by getting personal again. As many have noticed, I have written less on here lately. This is largely because of how busy life has been. My Spring 2023 semester was intense and I still feel like I could’ve done more even if I took breaks for my sanity. The anxiety around graduation was a bit too much. I’m also helping my family move while going through a six week summer school. Don’t get me wrong, the topics are fun: Theater of Comedy and Sociology of Sexuality. I have enjoyed them in the few days they’ve been in my life. The latter in particular has me somewhat relieved because we have already discussed The Split Attraction Model. If nothing else, it’s a nice send-off that I hope produces fulfilling results.
Other than that, I have been doing my best to just enjoy life. While there hasn’t been any movie in theaters that I’ve cared to see, I’ve been at local venues seeing live theater. If you’re in the area, I highly recommend keeping an eye on La Mirada Theater because they have been doing excellent work as of late and The King And I was one of their most accomplished performances to date. I also enjoyed seeing The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee at The Long Beach Playhouse and think it may be a new favorite, even if it’s still my second favorite William Finn work (not everything can be Falsettos). I also wrote some short stories that I hope will see the light of day in June, though I need to fit that in with the rest of my schedule. For now, it’s all about balance and I think everything’s going fine.
But to be honest, I’m a bit disorganized and there’s some various projects that I need to get done hopefully before the month is over. I need to get out the theater reviews for the past few shows I’ve seen just to get them off the docket. I also need to get back to writing Novel3, though I’m already convinced it will be taking longer than I intended to write up the first draft. Still, the extra time has allowed it to expand and grow with each new idea.
Anyway, I don’t really know how to end things. This month has been a blur for the most part. I have been busy with life and trying to make the most of this celebratory time. I’m grateful for everyone who has supported me over the past few decades and I wish that we could all be together to swap stories. Even then, I’m happy to have accomplished so much and earned such great marks in school. I felt like a failure not that long ago, and this change of pace is so thrilling. The questions of what lies ahead are a bit undercooked at the moment, but I’m hoping there’s some motivation somewhere to find that answer. With that said, I’ll make the most of my final classes and try to not fall behind.
Other than that, it is of course the end of May or early June. That only can mean one thing. It’s time for my annual rewatch of Dear Evan Hansen (2021). I know there’s those that make fun of the film, but the story at the center still works for me and I generally like the idea. It’s a bit tragic that it couldn’t be done with a younger, more agile Ben Platt, but that’s how life goes. It’s imperfect, but I’m glad it exists nonetheless. Not sure if we’ll have a year as chock-full of movie musicals that 2021 had, but at least we have The Color Purple (2023) on the horizon. I suppose that’s a good reason to buy a calendar so I can mark it up. Otherwise, I’ll just see where things take me this summer. It’s going to be interesting to find out.
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