For many, Pride Month 2023 just hasn’t been the same. I’m sure that a lot of you are tired of me harping on this topic in every other piece, but June has really been a tumultuous period for The LGBTQIA+ Community. It’s become something so distressing that the only thing that I can personally do is write it all out, hoping to make sense of the details. Even if this is only my third Pride Month since coming out as asexual, I have noticed a shocking drop-off even between 2022 and 2023. Whereas last year I had fantasies of maybe going to a pride event and discovering the greater world, I haven’t gone more than a few days without being reminded about Targets in the Midwest receiving bomb threats, where vandalism and aggression are applied to Pride Merch sections because misinformation has convinced impressionable minds that queers are predatory.
It’s why I have been hesitant to do much of anything this month. While I’m getting this fantastic shirt that The Las Vegas Aces have put out, I can’t say that my in person cart has been as full. Given that I am a tactile person and much prefer the limiting factors of cash, there is something more fulfilling about reaching out to a shelf and picking up a product. There’s almost more dignity in being yourself and picking up a copy of Alice Oseman’s “Heartstopper” than expecting it in an Amazon package. With all of that said, I was morbidly curious to see if the Southern California experience at Target was the same as other venues back east. While it could be argued that we were a liberal beacon for America, the fact that there was a riot in Glendale over a school recognizing Pride Month suggests that those days are fading. So is the space where racist stereotypes that only minorities “riot” are cracking to reveal the four fingers pointing back at the ulterior motives of an ill-tempered party.
Would it qualify as controversy to say that I understand Target’s hesitance? On the one hand, I live in a headspace where I want to believe good conquers evil, that those spreading hatred will be punished under the laws of the court. However, when it’s our government officials who are doing it, who watches the watchmen? I’m sure there’s some conservative politicians who would see a Target (metaphorically) being destroyed while having their arms crossed and, with a smug face, say “Good!” Thanks to social media, every issue is less about the thought behind it and instead the sexiness of the wording. Can you summarize the vastness of queer identity in accessible language? No. We’re all different. Can you lump LGBTQIA+ people as predators simply because the regular language is too complicated for 240 characters? Sure, why not. A successful slogan comes from brevity.
I’m not saying bigotry comes solely from this way of thinking, but it does feel like it does become the scapegoat whenever someone lashes out. There’s no need for greater thought. I understand why Targets aren’t likely to advertise Pride Merch right now in large part because of the risk it puts their entire staff and infrastructure into. While others will be quick to comment on how Target is first and foremost a corporation feeding off of capitalist tendencies, I think that’s to ignore the subtext of what recalling entire lines can do to the greater psychology. By limiting access to queer product, there’s limited ways to express queer identity. If we don’t have the books, we don’t learn the language. If we don’t have the flag, we don’t have the signifiers afforded to our country, states, counties, districts, and other groups who want special labels. We have nothing. There is invalidation because queer people are no longer seen as worthy of marketing, of having needs recognized. I’m not saying it’s the best replacement for actual queer-based shops, but think about those outside of metropolises for a little bit.
Rainbow capitalism is stupid. Part of the fun of making it to June (even May for that matter) is gathering on TikTok or YouTube videos to provide commentary on the latest merchandise while guessing “This was definitely made by a straight person” on the gaudy outfits. It’s when people put random rainbows behind their logos or Skittles suddenly lose their color because “there’s only one rainbow.” Burger King once sold burgers with only top or bottom buns for… I forget the reason, but it did happen. It’s silly and crass. This all serves as its own form of entertainment, and becoming a spectator has been fun. I’m more than sure that taking a more anti-capitalist stand would make me seem more altruistic, but I can’t. I genuinely can’t because as much as rainbow capitalism always had a vulgar touch, I recognize the capability for it to do some good and validate those who may feel like it makes them seen. After all, those flags hanging on the poles had to come from somewhere, right?
I say this in part because of an incident this past weekend. While I have consumed a fair share of stories about Target rolling back merchandise, there was still that optimism that my experience would turn out differently. I’m a Southern California person. I live in a city where a street downtown has a rainbow-colored crosswalk. There have to be more options than what came before. My one caveat is that I’ll fully acknowledge that waiting until 2/3 of the way through June to go means the stock was destined to be lower even in a better year, though I wanted to believe that it would be like 2022. Most Targets were vanilla with their merchandise, but this specific location was one I had great success at in the past few years.
To put it into context, this was the one venue where the Pride Merch spilled over to a side display that had, among other things, Lady Gaga’s hyperpop remix album “Dawn of Chromatica.” There was something beautiful about seeing that grotesque cover amid displays that ranged from shirts with Bob the Drag Queen and Lil Nas X on them to canisters packed to the brim with every kind of flag imaginable. It’s where I finally purchased a progress flag and a miniature trans one. I BOUGHT ASEXUAL SUNGLASSES. There was something so superfluous and extravagant to the variety in 2022.
Even the feeling of perusing in 2021 brought me some joy because for the first time, those colors meant something to me. It wasn’t just the rainbow, but knowing that something purple could identify me was satisfying. It was also a time that maybe felt more validating because one of the major fallouts of 2020 and the pandemic was how the “TikTok made me gay” crowd emerged loud and proud while ready to enter the world as a new you. It was exciting to think of a world where everyone was more accepting. Still, there was a strong feeling in my subconscious that a major queer hallmark was purchasing a pride flag. I couldn’t just live it in my mind. I needed it to be displayed on my wall, and not just in the rudimentary Lego design I made. I did it to calm my nerves, though it also felt a bit too simple.
Alas, capitalism is a difficult topic to really address. I know Target is a capitalist empire and I’m not doing anything special by stepping in their door. If I walked away empty-handed, they still would make billions. The convenience makes it irresistible and the location while monopolizing the competition makes it seem cynical to fight against it. I’m not good at fighting back. While I would love to imagine that I could walk into a location and buy the new Christine and the Queens album, I know it’s too obscure to find. I’d have to drive a near hour just to find one of the few record stores still in operation… and hope there was parking there. My reliance on certain things being in these stores has become more and more of a problem as the years have gone on. I’m not as shy about buying online, though my fear of impulsivity means I never allow myself to simply go anywhere where a one-click option is present.
To step into this same Target that had fulfilled these giddy ideas just 12 months ago was met with nervousness. Would it even be there? The area that had been reserved for Pride Merch last year was gone. It was replaced by a Fourth of July display, unperturbed. Their pride flag was hanging aisle-side triumphantly in a canister. There was another display where you could (apparently) buy fireworks. It had the gaudy things that made America seem artificial and fake to me. Barbecues are nice, but it all felt like compensation. I’m proud to be an American, but I’m sure there wouldn’t be a recall of all things red-white-and-blue if a few protestors knocked them over and accused the president of sending us down a moral sewer. The focus would be more on correcting the lack of pride. The protestor wouldn’t have their will bent to them. In fact, the complicated language around the idea of being American wouldn’t even be questioned at all, or how it’s an idea being shoved down our throats. We’d just let those flags fly, those hats lined with stripes, and loudly cheer at all hours, not caring that some people have used this iconography to do some downright heinous shit (because we recognize that not every American is evil) or how by making July 4 a federal holiday was singling out a group that shouldn’t have to have a day. After all, isn’t Independence Day every day? Stop thinking you’re special. Who cares that you don't like living in a monarchy?
To be truthful, I wasn’t mad at that display. I’m thankful for what freedoms I have even with this country’s complicated past that some would rather ignore. I know that Target probably makes bank off of Independence Day and this was going through the motions. I was also going 2/3 of the way through June and I couldn’t expect a Pride Month to be recognized for the entirety of the time they asked for. To their credit, the Pride Merch was still towards the front of the store, though in a smaller quad that had very little left. They mostly had a variety of shirt designs and skirts alongside a handbag with this small rainbow logo in the corner. Anything that would cause a fuss seemed to be absent.
However, I think my shock came at the most unexpected of sights. Somewhere towards the back of a display box was a patch of science instruments made in the colors of the asexual flag. It was stupid and not my style, but there was also some guilt of walking away empty-handed. It was $1. What was the big loss really going to be? I wanted something ace in my collection and this was all we got. Gone were the flags and even candles that were overstocked last year. This patch would have to be my proof of visit.
As I checked out, I hit one particular snag. Everything else in my order had gone through with no problem. However, the whole process came to a halt when I scanned that patch. One could guess where this was going. Too good to be true. The employee came over and took it away. “Sorry.” They said, “This has been recalled.” It wasn’t a feeling of rage like the protestors whose hissy fits caused them to make the world their safe space because we love their feelings. It was a disappointment that suddenly I didn’t have that capitalistic validation in my collection. I contemplated taking everything off of the shelf (or at least one of each) and seeing if anything would scan. While not encouraged, I contemplated the ethics of shoplifting this $1 piece of fabric since it wasn’t likely to be used wherever it was going. To be clear, I didn’t steal anything, though it made no sense why holding back a product that a customer would want that had no harmful value on society was such a big deal.
More than anything, I think it revealed the tragedy. I had finally been duped by the rainbow capitalism backlash. Even if it was just $1, it really said something profane that this was considered to be worthy of controversy. It was a patch of asexuality, the ultimate anomaly in this “sexualizing” protest. In a year where conservatives called aces and aromantics “narcissistic” and “just want to feel special,” I guess the latter is true but not in the way that they claim. It just felt good to know someone with a wide base actually gave a damn about putting our flag on something. They did last year. Now you can’t even find our merchandise on the Target website. It feels kind of defeating honestly.
It got me thinking about a variety of things that I probably saw in my periphery that might’ve suggested that this violent backlash has shown that the bigots are winning. This was the second Target I’ve been to and couldn’t find Elliot Page’s “Pageboy” on any prominent display. While I didn’t look, I wondered if copies of “Heartstopper” were also being pulled alongside Spider-Gwen merchandise simply because she had a “Support Trans Kids”* sign in her room. The last two things should be noted that just because I didn’t see them doesn’t mean I looked hard enough to confirm they were truly missing.
*If it is true and they pulled Spider-Gwen merchandise for any suggestion that she’s transgender, it’s kind of amazing that it’s over a saying that lined their shirts over the past few years. When they needed it most, they were nowhere to be found.
Go ahead and make the argument that I am overreacting. This effort to be seen just because some business didn’t sell me a cheap patch. It is ridiculous because deep down I knew that I didn’t want it as much as the idea of what it symbolized. This was all they had at this point. I needed to have some chintzy crap to recognize who I was because this year has been difficult. I’m sure if I really looked, I would find queer merchandise throughout the store in more covert forms. For now, it was a reminder that, yes, the bigots were winning. The argument of my LGBTQIA+ friends being predators was taking enough of a hold on the world that it impacted the corporation that seemed most likely to support us. They were but they weren’t.
I don’t blame the employee for taking that patch. As someone who worked at a grocery store, I’m well aware of the pressures to follow orders. At the same time, the fear of having someone irrationally insult you for your own assimilation is the worst feeling in the world. For those who work at Target and see this as protecting people on the ground floor, I totally understand it. I’m in Southern California where things are slightly better than the national average. I should be grateful in that regard. Still, the idea that hate is on the rise makes my stomach churn a little bit. In just a year, I went from being able to laugh at how stupid Pride Merch was to reminiscing on better days. I hope they appreciate the irony.
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| This shirt's in the mail! |
The greatest lesson I get from this is the reality that the backlash is real. It’s not just something that the internet concocted to make the paranoid pull out their hair. It’s there in criticizing the navy for being “political” simply by recognizing that Pride Month existed. There aren’t as many cheesy logos making the rounds. All that’s left is this sense of shame. There’s fear that a pride event is going to have bomb threats or mass shootings… and the conservatives will act like it’s for the best (remember Club Q, remember the response to the Nashville, TN’s shooter’s identity as symbolizing a “violent agenda”). Even as I collect queer art that makes the world feel more beautiful, it’s hard to feel like anyone wants to do it outside in the fresh air. The idea of someone yelling at you, unwilling to listen and express empathy for a small conversation is intimidating. I’ve been grateful though I recognize many haven’t.
Stuff like this is why I’ve had trouble paying attention to the news. I tend to obsess over details, and knowing how much the world is focusing on hate right now is not good for me. I am selective on what I read now because I’m not a fan of even the vindictive catharsis that some find in conservatives being “owned” (they never are). It’s all a hateful cycle that leaves people with a temporary form of happiness. I don’t care how most of these people express themselves though it’s clear that they have some deeply rooted problems that keep them from being happy. I won’t judge you. I just wish that you find a healthier way of exploring this without taking it out on people just wanting to exist. We won’t hurt you. We won’t even talk to you if that’s what you want. Let’s keep it copacetic, please and thank you. I just hope you one day find a desire to recognize the humanity of others because it’s a beautiful thing that’s hard to put into words sometimes. I hope that’s the truth we’ll all buy one day.
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