How I Live Now: April 2024

After a few months of adjusting to whatever 2024 is going to look like, April comes across as the grand kick-off. No offense to January, February, or March, but as I look at the calendar, I am made aware of how many events have happened on a week-to-week basis. A lot of them may not have involved me, but they are formative memories that will hopefully last with me well into the end of the year. Maybe I’ll get to December and be like, “Oh yeah, that was a good time” because, believe me, there’s a lot to recommend from the past few weeks. 

As it stands, this is the third straight month where How I Live Now’s release coincides with new music that I would otherwise have written three paragraphs about at the end. In February, it was Hurray For the Riff Raff’s “The Past Is Still Alive” (still my Album of the Year candidate). In March, it was Beyonce’s “Cowboy Carter.” Now hopefully by the time this is posted Friday morning, I’ll have listened to St. Vincent’s “All Born Screaming” at least once. If the pattern holds, it will also be another Top 5 contender. 

In preparation for the release, I have been going through her back catalog and listening to everything. What I’ve found is, predictably, I love a lot of what I’m hearing. While nothing will top “Actor” if just because of my personal connection with it in my early 20s, I’ve found each record (besides the David Byrne one… sorry) to be so provocative and fresh. My big takeaway is that “Daddy’s Home” is a grower as I found myself totally enamored with it this time around. All of this is to say that I was surprised to learn in this research that she co-wrote Taylor Swift’s “Cruel Summer,” which caught me off guard.

Anyway, this Friday is going to be a great day because of this. Depending on how much I like it, I’ll be popping it on while watching The NBA Playoffs and vibe along to the strange energy. Quite tragically, The Golden State Warriors have met their demise early and Klay Thompson’s untimely bad game has only made discourse around The Dynasty’s future more bittersweet. With that said, the first round is mostly predictable at this point. While I’m happy to see The New Orleans Pelicans trudge on, they are no match for The Oklahoma City Thunder. Every other match-up is just as one-sided, if not more so…

Except The Los Angeles Clippers versus The Dallas Mavericks. In the grand scheme of things, these are two of my general favorite teams and they have developed a storied rivalry just in my time of being a fan. They’ve battled it out in The Western Conference before. I was fortunate enough to attend an LAC/DAL match-up back when Kristaps Porzingis was on the squad and it’s arguably the best Clippers game I’ve been to. Not only is Luka Doncic a favorite, but Paul George sent the game into overtime on a 0.5-second buzzer beater. It’s everything that you’d want. While I should say that The Mavericks feel like a team that don’t fully have a great supporting roster while The Clippers have a deep bench that compensates for Kawhi Leonard’s sick days, they have been evenly matched so far and I’m loving it. I’m hoping this is The Clippers’ year, but then again I just want them to go further than The Los Angeles Lakers. That’s really all I can hope for, and most years I’m happy to get it. If The Lakers continue to blow it against The Denver Nuggets (how do you ruin a TWENTY-point lead?), I may be getting it sooner than I thought.

On a side note, apparently The Battle of Los Angeles has transitioned to TV. Following The Lakers’ HBO drama Winning Time, I’m noticing that FX is planning a series about The Clippers called Clipped. The artwork so far features a hand holding two Clippers-colored basketballs in case you’re wondering what’s going to go down. Allegations of being Los Angeles’ little brother lives to fight another day. I still have hope for it sight unseen, but man… Winning Time was a lot of fun and got me nostalgic for an era I wasn’t even around for. Also, I’ll admit this TV series is a weird way to send-off our boys before moving to The Intuit Dome, but you do you. Get those Bruno Mars tickets while you can!

In case it isn’t clear, April is a big sports month all around. On top of it being Playoff Season where every other day is a big story, earlier this month was the end of March Madness. Disappointingly, CSULB didn’t get past the first round, but our retiring coach made the highlight reel during the men’s post-game celebration. I’m proud of everything he’s done and look forward to what the new staff will do. With that said, I have the distinct honor of having seen Alabama’s Latrell Wrightsell Jr. play back when he was at Fullerton, so The Big West was there in spirit. 

Also, it’s as good of a time to touch on The WNBA draft. Of course, everyone’s going on about Caitlin Clark and I wish her luck with The Indiana Fever. I can imagine her turning that team around like what Sabrina Ionescu did with The New York Liberty. Give her 3-4 seasons and I promise you things will be more interesting. For now, I am more interested in the rebuild of The Los Angeles Sparks, who have had a strange couple of years going from Liz Cambage and their former coach quitting mere games before The Playoffs two seasons ago to Nneka Ogwumike moving to The Seattle Storm. Even if she was our MVP, I’m not exactly mad as The Storm are deserving of their own mix-up following the dual loss of Breanna Stewart and Sue Bird. The Sparks aren’t on the level of The Las Vegas Aces necessarily, but I feel like they’ve gotten better with each year and have a promising roster (Dearica Hamby!). Also, with number two in the draft, I’ll be seeing Cameron Brink (Stanford) play four times this season, hopefully, including two games at Long Beach’s luxurious Walter Pyramid. Yes, The Sparks are coming to town. While we couldn’t get in for The Fever, we’ll be seeing The Minnesota Lynx and a team I’ve been wanting to see for a while: The Dallas Wings. Get hyped is all I’ll say. Given that Brink has relation to Steph Curry, I’m hoping to see him at one of the games chewing on his mouth guard.

Before I get too far from sports, I want to briefly touch on the other major event happening at The Pyramid. We’ll be hosting the NCAA men’s volleyball tournament which includes the black and gold themselves. For bogus reasons, CSULB ranked number two nationally despite having the better record overall. With that said, we’ve also won more post-season games than numero uno UCLA, so I have to believe we’re better than them. I was grateful to be at the sold-out game where we spanked them on our home court. Ironically, it was the following night’s game where we lost on their turf that cost us the technicality that would’ve confirmed a top spot regardless of other signifiers. Anyway, The Big West Tournament was a great week even if Hawaii has no chill and has to start games at 7:30 and 10 PM PST. My only rationality is that this must be what it feels like to watch basketball games on the east coast. Some of those games ran well into the AM and only kept me awake because of how intense they got (watch out for UC Irvine!). 

To finally move on, I suppose the best question to ask is how I am doing currently. Overall, the answer is a simple shrug. For whatever reason, the Post-Christmas season has become a bit dour for random stretches. This could possibly be because of the overcast weather and lengthy rain periods that mess with my immune system. I like the cold, but it zaps you of so much energy, and it’s been difficult to fully remove yourself from its grasp. I am pushing through and finding ways to stay productive, but it’s by no means easy. Without a consistent weather schedule, it’s hard to plan ahead when you rely so much on instinct. I do take advantage of when things clear up enough, but I dislike how it feels like the weather currently exists to ruin your weekend plans.

On the bright side, I am happy to report that Autism Acceptance Month has come with certain pluses. Even if I haven’t been all that active in online discourse, I have found one new series to add to the neurodivergent canon. Hulu has recently released a series called Dinosaur that’s exported from Scotland. The co-creator and star Ashley Storrie plays an autistic woman going about her life with the familiar highs and lows. What I find refreshing is how it explores Storrie’s place within every facet of her life with a frankness that makes you better understand the weird ways people treat autistic individuals without making the gag total condescension. This is meant to empathize in a way that I haven’t fully seen in American TV. While I still think Everything’s Gonna Be Okay is a gold standard for representation at this moment, the past few years have been more positive than negative. If nothing else, we got rid of The Good Doctor AND Young Sheldon in one fell swoop. Along with Kaylee Hottle representing the deaf community in the dumb fun of Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024), it’s been a good month for authentic depictions in media.

Beyond this, April has been more of a mixed bag on a political front. As everyone knows, there’s several ongoing atrocities on a global scale. It’s hard to feel good about life when there’s ongoing wars that have killed unfathomable amounts of innocent civilians whether through violence or starvation. For as much as I wish the American government would care this much financially about protecting its own citizens, I have to wonder how much worse things would be without some interference. With that said, it’s interesting to see how the fallout is happening several months later. There’s been protests all over, including one at USC that included their keynote speaker at graduation being removed for expressing Pro-Palestinian rhetoric. While I’ve never had an activist mentality, it’s encouraging to see people fight for justice. 

Though on some level, the problems do extend to other events stateside. For example, Arizona came under fire for trying to resurrect anti-abortion legislation from over a century ago. Luckily, it’s gotten blowback, but not without the reality that many states are still trying to crackdown by having old men who don’t seek to benefit determine how women can or can’t use their bodies. There’s been a lot of exclusionary laws over recent years that has to make you wonder who they’re trying to win over. I guess certain people just have a lack of care for anyone who doesn’t look or act like them in any meaningful manner. It makes no sense, but then again I worry our capabilities to stop and listen is a trait generations are losing as social media rewards immediate reaction culture over deeper thought. I hope things do change but given that State of the Unions have become stand-up comedy crowd work, I’m not holding my breath.

For example, as I write this, news has broken that a 37-year-old trans woman named Andrea Doria Dos Passos was beaten to death in Miami Beach, FL. The suggestion is that she was sleeping outside of a dance studio when a man with a pipe violently assaulted her. The event itself wasn’t declared a motivated hate crime. Dos Passos was homeless and not causing any problem. In a charged climate where “Don’t Say Gay” has held terrible hold on mentalities, it’s hard to not see this as holding some deeper animosity. In an age where books are banned and films like Strange World (2022) have caused teachers to lose their job just for showing queer romance, it’s painful to imagine what the future holds. 

Even as no significant transgender athlete of any gender has dominated sports, they remain targeted as a major problem. Meanwhile, the same people likely don’t attend those events let alone provide funding that could benefit women’s sports. It’s rarely targeted at men. It’s always about women who seem to be perpetually acknowledged as disadvantaged without being given an actual handout for things as simple as gym equipment. It’s the one positive thing I’ve seen in The WNBA change over the past five years. I hope with Caitlin Clark’s higher profile that it’ll only increase. Still, this belief that she’s saving the sport irks me so much because it ignores the decades of athletes (for this argument, I’m focusing on WNBA) who have made the sport their own. They’ve put up with complaints and forced to take risky jobs just to make a little extra. It should be more even, though I acknowledge expectations compared to NBA are much smaller. 

It’s changing gradually, but I am offended by the double standard that has emerged with Clark discourse. It has nothing to do with her. She’s a phenomenal, generational talent deserving of attention. What my issue is is that in an era where trans athletes are criticized for invading women’s spaces that it’s somehow okay to propose something similarly designed. The amount of jokes I’ve heard about how Clark could play in The NBA because she’s “that good” may sound like compliments, but I think speaks to the belief that WNBA is still inferior – which is a perspective that only those not paying attention would have. Where were you when Ionescu beat Curry’s 3-Point Contest record last year? Where were you when The Liberty sold out regular season home games? There are players capable of challenging Clark in a competitive manner. She doesn’t need to go to The NBA just to prove she’s a great athlete. Frankly, it’s condescending and probably misogynistic. I get that some of you are doing it as a joke, but given how perpetual the “you play ball like a girl” motif was growing up, not enough time has passed to suggest we collectively recognize women’s sports as being great. That and, of course, hearing transphobes say Clark could play for someone like The Detroit Pistons is super dumb. 

It's bad enough that we have people like J.K. Rowling trying to diminish transgender history going back to World War II. Thankfully, there’s been enough of a pushback to allow for a history lesson to emerge. It’s the one of how German sexologists were studying LGBT+ identities and by burning those books set the knowledge back decades. There’s always been oppression and it’s caused many to think of queerness as a fad and not what it actually is: part of history. It’s always been there, existing alongside heteronormative tales. It’s just been disrespected too much to be given the mainstream credulity that the male/female relationship has been given. 

IIt’s been frustrating. On top of the Dos Passos story, knowledge that The Supreme Court is considering outlawing homelessness only makes this tale a bit more grim. I’m not going to deny that it’s a difficult matter and one that nobody has properly solved. However, I think criminalizing the homeless is not the answer, especially as the cost of living increases without any sense of individual financial growth moving alongside it. The common joke right now is that McDonald’s USED to be affordable. Given that it has long been seen as the affordable alternative and that’s why it was so popular, it’s kind of tragic how we’re limiting access to resources. It only makes people more desperate and the more desperate you are, the more willing you are to cut corners. Think about what you’re doing before you stock up on blaming people for wanting basic decency.

Anyway, I want to briefly touch on some more positive news. In the next month, there will be two movies that I hope are on your radar. Non-binary filmmaker Jane Schoenbrun’s I Saw the TV Glow (2024) is set to be released theatrically, and I cannot wait to step inside that room. I was a big fan of We’re All Going to the World’s Fair (2021) and think they have a great sense of depicting isolation and our longing for connection during the digital age. This film looks very much like my vibe and I hope it’s good enough to warrant a review when that day comes. Similarly, trans filmmaker Vera Drew is currently rolling out The People’s Joker (2024) and I’ve heard nothing but good things. Also, apparently every minor trans celebrity on Twitter had some involvement with it, so I’m looking forward to supporting them. I hope it gets some substantial release, or at least a proper digital rollout because almost every review I’ve read has been glowing. Also, I heard there’s some trans actors in the Dev Patel action film Monkey Man (2024), so again… great time for representation. 

To shift slightly, I want to talk about Coachella. No, I was not present at the event. However, once I became aware of the livestream, I began to mark up my calendar with artists that I was wanting to catch. At the top of that list was, of course, Lana Del Rey. As one of my all time favorites, I had to imagine she’d do something special as the first night headliner. Without giving away all the magic, I will say that I was mesmerized and found her rawness to often be reflective of an artist lost in the moment. With that said, each weekend brought something a little different and technically Weekend 2 was more polished. However, I think the sense of discovery and getting lost in the moment was more present in Weekend 1. Even with the many microphone flubs, I just enjoyed her behavior more. Also, who could say no to a random drop-in from Billie Eilish (“Hit Me Hard and Soft” out May 17!)? At the end, I respect those who would’ve said they were bored because I think a lot of my infatuation was a byproduct of Cult of Personality. Even if she seems regimented to the point I’m convinced she does this at every show, I still want to be there one day because I think she’s cool.

For me, the best performance of the weekend was Chappell Roan. I only caught Weekend 1 for her, but what a show. I’ve long heard that she’s incorporated drag elements, and I finally understand what they mean. She has an attitude and owns the stage in a way that’s refreshing. She has so much personality and I love that every lesbian, bi, and/or gay flag waver in the crowd was in tears while dancing along to “Hot to Go.” While I’m not wild about her new song which sounds a bit too Wham-y for my liking, I am excited to see “The Rise and Fall of a Midwestern Queen” has caught on with audiences. It was one of my favorites of last year and this performance makes me hope she’ll be around for a long time.

Renee Rapp was also fun, though I have less to say about her. I’m mostly glad that “Snow Angel” has resonated with people and her anthemic approach to pop found a perfect fit on the stage. Even if the Kesha cameo for “TikTok” was a mixed bag, I do love the camaraderie (while I’m recommending, “Gag Order” is another great 2024 record). I will say that even Lil Yachty won me over, who I’ve been mild on but found his psychedelic rap schtick to work perfectly in a concert environment. I may actually like “Let’s Star Here” more than I did going into that performance. Finally, it’s still wild to see Tyler the Creator become one of the generational icons after following him since Odd Future. He knows how to rock a stage, and boy does his evolution as an artist feel deserving of a greater understanding of how people can grow into themselves and be more than their crass younger selves. In an age where everyone is quick to dig up dirt on people, it’s fascinating how Tyler has beaten the odds (making quality music doesn’t hurt).

I don’t know that I could see myself ever really going to Coachella. I don’t have stamina to be on my feet for that many hours in one day. At the same time, I have never seen so many pop-up ads for random band merch than I did while waiting for the next performer to start. It’s quite the cash cow event to the point that I can understand Blur’s argument that audiences aren’t digging them. Their music wasn’t made to be part of a $1,000+ ticket. It was made for someone more working class. I didn’t actually watch their performance, but I feel like there’s an elitism to Coachella that’s only gotten more exclusive as time has moved on. Thank god for the livestream is all I’ll say.

Shifting slightly in the music category, I want to talk about a record that has really won me over. In light of all these buzzy titles, I have been enjoying some smaller names. Katie Pruitt’s “Mantras” is an amazing record about trying to embrace self-love. Every track makes me feel better after listening. Pruitt is a great storyteller who knows how to bring you into her personal worldview and come away feeling like it’s your own tale. Some of her lessons are beyond simple, but I think they’re ones that I still need to hear on a bad day. 

All in all, this has been a great month for records. I am also a fan of Lizzy McAlpine’s “Older” which expands on what I enjoyed on “Five Seconds Flat.” In terms of quick bursts of energy, Girl in Red’s “I’m Doing It Again Baby” is such a fun record to do some quick housework to.  Finally, I think Claire Rousay’s “Sentiment” is going to be a sleeper favorite of the year. While it’s too early to determine if it’ll be in my Top 10, right now it’s the most accomplished and immersive record I’ve listened to this month. I love her use of archival sounds to make a melancholic record that achieves a sense of feeling isolated and depressed. It’s a bit esoteric and lacking a great form, but the experience really connects to me on a meditative level that I haven’t heard too many other artists achieve. It’s not for everyone, but Rousay’s insight captures something special.

In what seems to be a monthly accomplishment right now, I have released my second YouTube video focusing on Charles Jackson’s novel “The Lost Weekend.” Much like the Huell Howser video, it’s not a conventional video essay and sort of mixes commentary with clips to form a greater narrative. I hope that people like it. My next one is going to be a bit more ambitious in design, but will possibly resonate in equal measure. I’m not exactly expecting these to blow up, but hopefully I’m developing a voice that will become more pronounced by the end of the year when I plan to do a Best Music of 2024 video (I already have a lot of audio samples for potential use). 

That is the gist of April. I know that I didn’t really talk much about myself, but I am trying to find small ways to stay productive. There will be more videos and short stories in the near future. I’m also hoping to have a more consistent output on The Memory Tourist as we move further into the year. There’s a lot that I’m proud of on here and wish to expand my potential as things move forward. If nothing else, we got some Billie Eilish on the horizon! There’s also some Apes and Mad Maxes to account for. Who could say no to that? If nothing else, I plan to see Challengers (2024) soon to see if Mike Faist can be friends with someone who doesn’t get brutally injured.

Other than that, who’s to say what May is going to look like? We’re moving closer and closer to summer months and the reality of being a year removed from university will painfully set in. I can’t believe this era is starting to take shape. Time really has passed by in such a surreal manner since those days. As much as I don’t miss the nature of higher education, I do miss the regimented structure and fellow students who make you realize that other people like the same nerdy stuff like Virginia Woolf and James Joyce. But duty now for the future! It’s time to plan my next chapter and make it matter. I’m hoping this is merely a prologue to something grander. I just have to keep looking. But first… some new St. Vincent!

As always, please take care of yourselves. I know that T.S. Eliot has suggested that April is the cruelest month, but for me it wasn’t so bad. There’s some silver linings just out of sight in every waking day. I come closer to finding it on certain ones more than others, but it’s always worth trying. I hope wherever life has taken you that there’s been a few moments to stop and admire what makes life worth living. I don’t know what that is for you, but I hope in some small fraction, you’ve got that on your shelf to look at when you wake and stretch, thinking of where your plans will take you. Hopefully it will have enough surprises to make up for any missteps along the way.