Usually when we get to January, there is a restored sense of optimism that things will start anew with the chance to be better. In some respect, everyone knew that would be a hard bargain for 2025 if given the American presidential election. For as much as there’s more to life than who’s in The White House, it’s been hard to not feel like it’s all encompassing right now. Part of it may be that this is written within the first two weeks and the bulk of immediate efforts are still being laid out. There’s still an unpredictability to waking up and knowing how different the country wants to be. My only hope is that the powers that be use their resources for good. With judges blocking executive orders, my best hope is that the worst doesn’t last long.
Whereas I want to start this entry with a more triumphant rap sheet of personal accomplishments, it’s hard to not dedicate time talking about this. We’re in the “flood the zone” era and it’s exhausting to try and keep a level head. The goal is to eventually become overwhelmed and start ignoring everything. It’s hard because I personally feel like 0% of the rulebook from even December exists anymore. A lot of what made America aspirational is fading away as January 6 terrorists are pardoned and we’re spending an irrational amount of time trying to rename The Gulf of Mexico. Listen, the only thing American about that gulf is how much plastic we dumped in it. I just want a functioning government. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m tired of the mudslinging. It’s become increasingly comic over the past decade with both parties turning The State of the Union into grown-ass adults reenacting hecklers at a stand-up performance. The issue is that even the “winner” seems smug about it. Nothing’s changing. We’re all just complaining for low-grade validation in a disposable forum. More than any single phenomenon, the thing that has made social media unattractive is watching the people we voted for spend their free time bickering and spreading misinformation. As I’ve said before, nobody embodies this better than Elon Musk who created the reality he wanted for people who don’t need it. If he can’t solve his problems with a billion dollars, then what hope is there for the commonfolk?
I demand diplomacy. I demand that the traditionalists notice that The Constitution was a “living, breathing document” that needed to develop with the times. I demand that “with liberty and justice for all” means something. With the recent state funeral for President Jimmy Carter, I am reminded of the potential for this to exist. For any shortcomings he may have had, his legacy is ultimately a positive one because he provided hope for the country. He reached across the aisle in hope of making a difference for the general public. The tragedy of watching his funeral was less the loss of a man I consider great, but that I’m not sure we’ll be seeing a president that is fine with calling himself a “public servant” in the near future.
It pains me to say that even as I aged and formed a more nuanced relationship with America, I still want the best for this country. For me, The Inauguration is a special day where you get to see the new powers take hold and a new chapter of history start. There’s usually a romanticism to it that I love getting caught up in. I love the process. I love the speech that sets the tone. I’ve only missed two in my adult life… and you can guess which they were. Meanwhile, I was the odd duck who ended up watching Joe Biden’s inauguration a record three times and saw Lady Gaga belt “The National Anthem” like she was in a sci-fi movie. To me, that was an inclusive blend of personalities that inspires hope. I haven’t seen this year’s ceremony. I don’t believe I ever will. I just know the aftermath convinces me that “inclusive blend” was not on the Day 1 agenda.
It’s also annoying to see the news cycle kowtow to the new administration without any meaningful criticism of clear violations of decency. I’m even more relieved to have left Twitter knowing that Elon Musk decided to perform a Nazi salute to his fawning public. If that wasn’t upsetting enough, the conversation around it being a sign of autism also offends me on a very personal level because it belittles the larger community. I hate that we’re infantilizing a billionaire just because we can’t grapple with his willingness to trivialize violent gestures. Even if it's just some weird cyberbully troll tactic, it makes me sad that this is where American government is. It’s also a great case study for why we all need to get off the internet once in awhile and take note of reality.
There is more than enough material to criticize in less than two weeks of an administration. The easiest place to start would be his response to my home state. To provide context, the year has gotten off to a rough start. Before it was even 24 hours old, the news was reporting on a madman running people over in New Orleans and another who died in Nevada from a car bomb. With the usual caustic response of “2025 is off to a terrible start,” I wanted to believe that things would be a tad better than how things went.
Given that I’ve already written at length about the recent string of wildfires in Southern California, I won’t waste your time with play by play opinions. All I will say is that I have been pleased with the response. It makes me love this community more. It should be noted that in the time since I wrote that essay, both Palisades and Eaton Fires are above 95% containment. A recent bout of rain does put the areas at risk of mudslides. There’s also been The Hughes Fire, which thankfully has been resolved quickly.
In a morbid sense, I was relieved that the historic wildfires happened when they did because they technically fell under The Biden Administration. He was someone I was confident would at least collaborate with relief efforts. Meanwhile, the history of our current sitting president suggests that he’d rather let our world burn. Given contemporary discussions around FEMA, I’m not entirely sure he’ll be around too much in the near future.
But, to my surprise, he was here. Following public posts where he called the governor “Gavin New-scum,” he decided to tour the area and have a press conference. I only caught a few minutes of it, but it was some of the most disheartening passive aggressiveness I’ve seen. On top of the general rudeness of wearing a hat, he talked over everybody and pretended to be an expert on environmentalism despite removing the country from The Paris Climate Accords. Among the talking points, he said that the residents of Palisades should move back in and pick up over 24k acres of debris and throw it in dumpsters. Along with a mystical spout that would transfer the water from the north (and, while it wasn’t discussed, would exacerbate drought conditions in a different region), he suggested that people just put on their sprinklers. Beyond his miracle cure talking points, he also made sure to tell people to their face that they weren’t “the party of common sense.” Days later when it rained he suggested that military forces had moved in and saved the day. To put it simply, I miss when he wasn’t pretending to be a leader who cared about California. Then again with Huntington Beach wanting to back out of being a sanctuary city, I have to believe the conservative cities are becoming Pick Me Girls.
Another thing that I’ve had trouble processing in light of current events is everything impacting The LGBTQIA+ Community. I think back to 2022 where it felt like everything was on an upward trajectory, where Rainbow Capitalism™ was mocked but still a welcomed institution because it at least let us know queers were welcomed. I felt like representation was getting better. And then, all of a sudden, it wasn’t. The bullies formed a better strategy and instead of fighting against the exclusionist policies, everyone bowed out. Target basically canceled Pride Month merch and screwed over their collaborators. Disney, who I’d argue was getting better about representation with Strange World (2022), has gone back to erasing queerness from projects. Beyond any policies, the larger conversation has been disheartening.
Something that I think speaks volumes to the larger discourse is the federal ban on pride flags in front of government buildings. This happened two years ago in Orange County and while this may not seem like much, I want to suggest something. Flying pride flags isn’t mandatory, yes, but having that option reflects approval of the community, that local politicians are willing to work with them for larger benefit. Removing this suggests that it’s something offensive, that they’re a class of people who doesn’t deserve respect. I’m not saying every building needs to raise it high, but I think the restrictions also create implicit guilt in the individuals who would be most comforted by it. There is shame in knowing your voice can’t symbolically be considered.
In general I’m scared for where queer rights are headed. The fact that gay marriage couldn’t last a full decade before its potential demise is heartbreaking. I think of the progress made within my adult lifetime and feel like it will all be for not. In some ways, it feels worse than even the Mid-2000s when the media could at least be forgiven for being a tad more ignorant. Now that we all know that gay people getting married won’t bring about the end of the world, why are we trying to make it happen?
I think of the trans community who have been the target of an exceptional hate campaign for years now but feels like we’re reaching an abyss. There was The World Series that ran transphobic ads about illegal immigrants getting gender reassignment surgery in prison, and I remember how much it made me uncomfortable. Knowing all of the policies outlawing their very existence that have come out in the past two weeks has been even more upsetting. Like my pride flag point, the idea of excising them from military operations is yet another form of invalidation that is seeking to ostracize. How does anyone feel comfortable leaving their house when it feels like we’re reaching a point that dragging queer people into the public square for assault is becoming the norm? We’re not entirely there yet, but the separationist policies of the modern administration mixed with a billionaire who denies his trans daughter’s identity has to make you wonder how soon until we live up to that nearly decade old rally cry where the two-time president told his audience to “knock the crap” out of people they disagreed with and that he would pay for their legal fees. If pardoning January 6 terrorists is any sign, he’s going to try and cover up some truly demoralizing shit before he’s done.
As I’ve said before, I feel more comfort when I see the pride flag. The LGBTQIA+ Community has some of the most compassionate and caring individuals I have ever met. To see them miserable and suffering is heartbreaking, and I hate that we’re living in a very bleak time where all feels hopeless. As I said on Inauguration Day, it was a dark time in American history. While the pomp and circumstance probably looked the same, knowing what could be next remains bothersome. No amount of listening to Seth Meyers break down current events can stop the fact that it’s all tragic. In theory, humanity’s great gift is their ability to do absolutely anything. The fact we’re choosing to do this is upsetting.
This may explain why I lack the enthusiasm I normally do with another big talking point of every January. The Academy Awards were announced and my official stance is this. The Class of 2024 is one of the most underwhelming years I’ve seen in a while. I am not all that enthusiastic about the big titles, nor am I quite as enraptured by some of the bigger surprises in Best Picture. In theory, it’s a very exciting mix of titles that includes TWO musicals as well as The Substance (2024) pushing limits on what type of horror I assumed AMPAS voters would go for. In theory, this is another groundbreaking year to match The Class of 2010 or 2017. Diversity is recognized and I think reflects the value of cinema to entertain a wide berth of audiences.
The issue may entirely be me. I just don’t care as much as I want about them. While I’ll continue to catch up on the nominees, I’m not sure this will be my favorite year. The good news is that there is a runaway favorite in The Brutalist (2024) which I’ve been in love with ever since seeing it. I was tempted to buy a t-shirt for the film through A24 because it speaks that much to me. I’m tempted to go out and see it again though, given its running time, probably won’t happen. It also makes me appreciate the talents of Adrien Brody all the more if just because I can’t think of when he’s been this good. Everything about this film is amazing. While I haven’t seen every Best Picture nominee – notably Nickel Boys (2024) – I’m not sure anything will move me as much as this. It’s the type of faith in cinema restoration I needed after feeling a tad mixed on where the industry is right now.
To stay on the subject of film, I want to shift to another current event that left me a little more devastated. The news of David Lynch’s passing hit me pretty hard if just because I believed he would be around another 15 years, possibly delivering one more movie just to show us what an 80-year-old Lynchian perspective would look like. Instead, the day was a reminder of our mortality. For him, it was also his vices finally taking their toll. Tie in the unfortunate timing of the wildfires, and you begin to see the full picture.
To some extent, I am surprised with how reverent the post-mortem has been. It could be that I am surrounded online by cinephiles, but the level of tributes feels unmatched. Lynch may have made films about very hostile subjects, but reports suggest that he was a caring man. I loved that he was an artist who was allowed to make his personal vision without studio interference. Even if he was rarely the definition of “accessible,” he had this allure that made you tune in and question what his larger motives were. Whereas I’m someone wanting to have a conversation, his need to have the work stand for itself is admirable. Then again, few filmmakers make something like Mulholland Drive (2001) that does and doesn’t make sense at the same time. They don’t delve into pure esoterica like Inland Empire (2006) and make it work. If you haven’t read David Foster Wallace’s essay on visiting the set of Lost Highway (1997), I highly encourage you to if just to better understand how influential Lynch was. I don’t think Wallace necessarily got to much of a point, but I think he captures the appeal his fans have for him.
Before I go, I’ll mention my personal David Lynch story. In 2017, I was in a bad place. My sister’s marriage had a bad falling out in the time around my birthday. Somehow I got caught up in it and there was a lot of heartbreak and distrust that took root around that time. I’m not fully sure if I forgive the parties involved, but I will say it was one of the worst birthdays I’ve ever had. I don’t want to go into it other than to say it was very important to me that 2018 be better. When it was, a certain pressure was lifted and I was able to start healing.
This was also the summer of Showtime’s Twin Peaks: The Return. Because I was new to the larger series, I had spent most of the year filling in the gaps. I would watch episodes and listen to podcasts hoping to get the full picture of this strange universe. By the summer, I was able to watch The Return week to week and thus take part in the larger discourse.
In the past 20 years, I don’t know that any show will feel as special as The Return solely because it transcended expectations at every turn. I saw the famous “Part 8” episode on my birthday and witnessed the closest thing to an art film that TV had ever produced. To be immersed in that world when the outside world was so distressing was comforting. To watch Dougie/Cooper slowly regain a sense of identity became the thing that grounded me as I tried to make sense of everything Lynch showed me. Inside everything was this underlying sense of comfort, knowing the filmmaker had a funny way of showing compassion. It was a strange world, but it felt more at home with him in it.
I won’t say more than my official stance on the “TV vs. Film” debate is that it is TV. Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992) is the only film in the franchise, and it’s honestly the weakest part of the tale. I want to love it more because I think it beautifully captures a traumatic experience, but it’s so beguiling at points that I can’t fully get on board.
If you want a contemporary work that feels Lynchian, I suggest checking out Ethel Cain’s new E.P. “Perverts.” As someone who considers “Preacher’s Daughter” a formative record, I have been anticipating new music from her for years now. The important thing to know is that this forgoes traditional storytelling in favor of her more atmospheric touches and, as a result, may be more isolating for those who loved her lyrically.
Meanwhile, those who love the all-encompassing atmosphere by which her work exists, this is a fascinating dive. The mood is haunting, with 10+ minute songs that often have few or repetitive lines muddled underneath droning instruments. There is no prettiness. It’s a meditation on something dark and internal, almost requiring that one listen to this in the blackest pitch of night. For me personally, it’s more of an acquired taste and I’m still trying to fully get on board with it. However, I adore the technique and have gotten emotional listening to “Housofpsychoticwomn” as Cain repeatedly says “I love you.” Without getting too personal, it reminds me of a depressive episode I had around 2021 in ways that help it easily get under my skin.
If you want to know if I like happy things too, just know that I recently checked out Katrina and the Waves’ first album and absolutely loved it. Because it’s not on my Make It New column, I feel comfortable sharing my larger opinion here. I think it’s a high point of New Wave that reflects the band’s diverse pallet for catchy beats and genre-shifting melodies. It’s so joyous and another candidate for band that I’m eager to dive deeper into. “Walking on Sunshine” may be a landmark of pop songwriting, but I promise the rest of the record will put a smile on your face.
The TV that’s also provided comfort as of late is an old show I found on Criterion Channel called Fishing with John, which finds John Lurie hanging out with celebrities as they go fishing. The execution is as exciting as you’d expect that log line to be. The deadpan humor arrives in how lame the overall idea is, especially given that nobody involved seems to have a fondness for fishing. Instead it’s an exercise in men bonding with each other and trying to make the most of a boring situation. They crack jokes and spend time wandering their environment while trying to make it all feel like it wasn’t a waste of time.
I think that it resonates with me because it reminds me of my youth. My dad had a boat that he would like to take out to lakes or the Pacific Ocean for an afternoon and just fish. I have to believe I was into the adventure element at least because I spent a lot of time out there. Time was more amorphous and you were forced to sit and think about everything. Out on the ocean, there’s a vast nothingness above you, so every small action was thrilling. At times it could be a prison, but it was as close to being one with nature that you could get. Unlike a forest where you had your feet on the ground, you had to keep your boat in check so that it didn’t sink. I can’t say that I have any stories as enjoyable as Fishing with John but having that reminder of how goofy and boring fishing is has been a small throwback comfort in a very odd time of history.
Anyway, things are starting to wrap up and it’s time to look forward to February. I’m wondering if I’ll have a Valentine’s Day as unique as last year where I got to see Davis Gaines sing love songs. I’m also a big fan of conversation hearts, which have been my favorite candy since I was a kid. Ironically, one of my New Year’s Eve traditions the past two years seems to have been buying some for no reason. I also have a lot of live theater that I’m attending, including Kimberly Akimbo tomorrow. Finally, I am a bit too excited to see how Dog Man (2025) turns out. I’m a big fan of Captain Underpants (2017) and the subsequent books always put a smile on my face, so I’m hoping Dav Pilkey adaptations will be two for two.
Now that I’m running long, I thought that I’d touch on one last topic. I realized that I haven’t yet spoken about sports. The great news is that CSULB is continuing to chug along. While the men’s basketball team is still working out the kinks, I’m thrilled to say that women’s basketball started this season on a five game winning streak. They were one of the last to break that record and have been holding their own against some formative foes. I also want to give a shoutout to men’s volleyball, which I’m rooting for to take down UCLA and finally achieve that number one spot. Here’s hoping that 2025 is our year.
Another thing going on is that WNBA’s trade season is open and this may be one of the most exciting that I’ve seen since 2021. A lot of longstanding partnerships have been broken as the league is shaking things up. Primary among them is Kelsey Plum going to The Los Angeles Sparks. I thought she was essential to The Las Vegas Aces, it’s going to be thrilling to see her on the home team. Given that she was on Instagram the day before walking around CSULB, I knew that something was up. While I don’t know that any trade makes me as excited, it’s still thrilling to know what Brittney Griner to The Atlanta Dream, Alyssa Thomas to The Phoenix Mercury, and Jewell Loyd to The Aces is going to do for the league. It’s a thrilling mystery.
Finally, I have discovered Professional Volleyball Federation and let me just say that I’m an instant fan. While I haven’t put aside enough time to memorize the schedule and follow week to week, I have tuned in casually and am thrilled with the level of gameplay that I’ve seen. I’m still learning who the big teams are, but I just love watching people be very good at volleyball. It’s such a cathartic sport to watch. Also, it’s bizarre to see a professional league whose main California team is not residing in Los Angeles. Not sure how good The San Diego Mojo is, but glad to root for my neighbors to the south.
So I end by apologizing if this seemed a bit too morose. In general, I try to be more optimistic during the first month of the year. It’s been difficult because I think the world is preoccupied with what’s about to come. Even as I’ve found enough distractions to not become consumed in the chaos, it’s hard to not acknowledge that this is our world, this is my country, this is where I’ll be for the next few years. I need to do something to make my time here more meaningful than doom and gloom rhetoric. We can still save the country from collapse. The trick is to figure out how.
And I think on some level, that is done by learning to appreciate things that I can control. Be proud of small achievements that give you a legacy. In the wake of a lot of terrible policies, I’ve seen people with platforms use them for good. Lucy Dacus has been donating money to transgender causes. Others are raising money and making resources available. I am happy to know that while the worst has been suggested, it hasn’t happened yet. The beauty of this country is that everybody gets a say, and hopefully the people with some humanity will use their voice for good.
To everyone struggling with motivation, I want to say that I understand where you’re coming from. I hope things get better for you and that we can return to some sense of decency. If nothing else, I’m happy to know you and I hope my small piece of company makes things easier. I wish you the best going forward and that something changes for the better. Stay safe and take care of yourself.
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