To put it simply, 2025 hasn’t started off on the best of notes. While a lot of this can be attributed to the time honored changing of the guard in The White House, another portion stems from a well-documented anxiety attack that I had midway through last month. It was the type of feeling that rattled through my body for a few weeks, never letting me fully breathe and get away from the self-criticism that comes with bearing the worst of things, hoping it will pass. The loneliness is interminable, and it’s forced me to pull away from distractions for the entire past month in hopes of “centering” myself again.
The good news is that life has felt a lot greater on a personal level as of late. It could be that after filing noise complaints regarding my neighbors since June that the worst of it has ceased. The ability to not dedicate brain space to working around aggressive bass boosting amplifiers pointing into my backyard is a godsend. There’s no need to feel triggered by Kendrick Lamar’s otherwise enjoyable “GNX” album because I’m not hearing him yell “MUSTARD” six times a night. I won’t go further than to say that I’m starting to appreciate the weekends again and am able to use that free headspace to think positively and even creatively.
If there is an issue to be had with life in March 2025, it’s that it started on the foulest note imaginable. Everyone knew that The Address to Congress would be a clusterfuck. Still, as the public address that gave citizens their first glimpse of how congress saw the larger agenda, it felt essential to watch to just get the gist.
Before I delve into my larger opinions, I want to discuss what I was doing in the hour leading up to The Address. I was reading George Orwell’s classic “Animal Farm” for the first time. It’s an engrossing and brisk text that gives you a lot to mull over. I found myself struck by the final chapter for one reason. Following this grand hypothesis of propaganda and corruption, Orwell’s biggest gut punch was the reality that time will move on and, with that, a new generation who will not know a time before the new world order. They will not know the peace and unity that could be achieved. Even as a 35-year-old Millennial who grew up hearing that younger generations haven’t lived under an “accurate” presidency, there is still remorse for Gen-Z and Gen Alpha who don’t have my 1990s experience of at least living in naivety that maybe the president *is* cool. As much as I stump for compromise and bipartisan aspirations, I recognize social media has only made that more and more a relic of the past. To quote Assassination Nation (2018), most politicians “did it for the lols.”
The speech is the latest in a long line of tough reminders that the nation is divided. I initially held out hope that Joe Biden would be this saving mediator. As someone with the bright-eyed gleam of having their first election be for Barrack Obama, I wanted to believe there would be more mentorship and pushing past ugly name calling. The best that can be said was… he tried. However, by the last two years his State of the Union speeches felt closer to comedy club crowd work and he seemed smug trying to talk down dissenting opinions. It may be better than the alternative – which is to censure the critic – but it’s still evidence that nobody is really wanting to sacrifice for the greater good.
There’s too much to get into with The Address. All I’ll say is that if Biden felt like he was doing crowd work, the latest brand is closer to verbal assault. There is no indication that anyone will listen to anyone so long as the applause drowns them out. It’s all a reality show that threatens to warp reality into a pathetic game of playing the odds. It feels so artificial and surreal to see billionaire tycoons selling cars on The White House lawn and dismantle programs that define America as a caring and collaborative nation. For as much as I’m against the recent rise of vandalism against Tesla cars, it’s hard to not admit that in a nation that kidnaps innocent citizens and deports them to what are essentially our version of concentration camps that the anger is justifiable. I’m scared for what this nation is becoming. I’m scared that the nation I grew up with a glimmer of hope for won’t reflect that value when the next generation comes of age and has no idea even of Obama’s time in office.
Another thing that profoundly upsets me is how The Address also marked the most significant representation of LGBTQIA+ topics in the core speech. It always disappointed me that Biden often felt closer to a rainbow capitalist than ally at times, especially when he kept recycling the line “we have your back” when it came to trans rights. Cut to 2025 and it's upsetting to know that the president to talk about the community the most is the one who is most exclusionary and removing public recognition. Hell, history is being changed on the government websites to remove queer identifying figures from their noble accomplishments. More than ever I believe that the transgender genocide is real. If I hadn’t before, I sure do now watching a group of grown-ass adults with nothing better to do than praise a terrorist for somehow scapegoating this nation away from actual villainy.
It is difficult to watch everything play out because I grew up believing in compassion. I kept thinking that humanity was capable of at least tolerating and growing over time. It’s how I felt in 2021 when I’d walk into a Target in June and find that Lady Gaga snuck Dorian Electra into a front of store display. There was this sense of optimism that has become less celebrated as bullies send bomb threats while Target responds by kowtowing to bigotry (but hey, you could still buy Ron “Don’t Say Gay” DeSantis’ book without complaint). For as much as I feel more welcomed by pride flags than the current iteration of the stars and stripes, I feel awkward doing any of this in public anymore. Even the thought of pride parades feel tarnished less because of what they symbolize but more the sense that assaults and kidnappings seem likelier. For as great as it is to see Chappel Roan release songs about lesbian sex, the larger animosity is still rampant and makes it hard to feel… well, pride. Anyway, this is a good time to admit that I followed The Address by finally seeing National Anthem (2023) and oh my god was it a wonderful, affirming movie of accepting others and being yourself.
My apologies for dedicating so much space to one evening of TV. It’s easy to argue that it wasn’t the most enjoyable thing that anyone’s seen in recent weeks. Of course, The White Lotus has returned with a fantastic new season full of eclectic characters (and Carrie Coon!). However, I want to highlight an [adult swim] show that’s currently captured my heart. Common Side Effects is co-produced by the legendary Mike Judge and has all the paranoid conspiracy thriller charm you’d expect from a premise about a man who grows mushrooms with magic healing properties. It’s surprisingly dense for a show geared towards the midnight munchies crowd. It’s why I am very much on its wavelength and have made it one of my essential week to week viewings. It’s a vast improvement over the lowbrow alternatives that usually air during that time slot, though it still has some crudity on display. If nothing else, this is my favorite [adult swim] show since Gendy Tartakovsky’s Unicorn Warriors Eternal, which I’d go even further and watch live. I’m not sure that Common Side Effects is for everyone but, given the levels of OTC medicine commercials I see on a daily basis, it’s a fun spin on the industry.
Speaking of “fun spin on the industry,” it still surprises me to know that Anora (2024) ended up as this year’s Oscar darling. Despite appreciating Mikey Madison’s work on Better Things, I found Sean Baker’s latest to be on the wrong side of grating and am baffled why it was the indie darling that The Academy wanted to hitch their post to. Maybe it’s just that I’ve become a massive Brady Corbet fan over the past three months, but The Brutalist (2025) had more heart and innovation with an even more amazing Adrien Brody performance to boot. There’s so much that makes me love the cinematic art form over those 3.5 hours that none of the other Best Picture nominees (that I saw) did. Credit must be given to host Conan O’Brien, who far and away may be one of the best that I’ve seen in my adult life. Maybe it was because the evening allowed me to be more nostalgic for when I’d watch him late at night in middle school (establishing bad habits young, I see), but everything clicked in ways it rarely does. Finally, a quick shoutout to Flow (2024), which is a movie I love and have rewatched a few times recently.
Though speaking of The Brutalist, I also received the Blu-Ray this week. This is my first time ordering directly from A24’s website, and I have to say… very well done. Outside of the top notch work that The Criterion Collection is doing, this may be the finest assemblage I’ve seen in a long time. Not only is the disc case beautiful, but the studio has put a lot of money into the larger packaging, which includes wrapping the shipping box with logo embroidered tape. There’s also the shipping statement that’s put into a sleek envelope along with a postcard for the upcoming Death of a Unicorn (2025). Add in some fun artwork cards referencing the film and it makes me understand why they’re one of the most respected institutions in modern film. In a time where I feel like most home video releases forgo even the EPK materials, I’m grateful that people like A24 exist to challenge the artistry of physical media. Provided I had more money, I wouldn’t mind buying more from them in the future (notably I Saw the TV Glow (2024) or Showing Up (2023). Yes, I realize that I’ve been some level of an A24 shill this whole time, but I promise I wouldn’t have said anything if The Brutalist case design was complete bupkis.
Then again, maybe I love The Brutalist in part because it’s where I am at mentally as well. Not in the sense of building architecture, but lately I’m looking for problems to solve and working to find a solution. Because it recently turned over into spring, nature is playing that perverse game of sprouting up weeds and making lawncare during some weeks unobtainable. In the rapid shifting weather between mild scorchers and rainfall, it’s hard to fully plan ahead. Still, I’m trying to find ways to better my living conditions and taking risks.
To be honest, stepping away from the internet has been beneficial to my mental health as of late. I wouldn’t say I’m completely detached, but there is more effort to get lost in the manual. For as much as convenience has its perks, there is something to slowing down and taking more elaborate steps to achieve a similar goal. Teaching yourself these skills can make you more resourceful and see the world in a more intricate way than simple binary code on a screen. It forces you to think about how you personally achieved the goals and what you can do better. I know that I discussed housework in the previous section (I also assembled a bird feeder this month and can’t wait to try it out), but I’ve also gotten into cooking. This brings its own levels of patience and dedication that forces you to live in the moment. The trial and error of it all is so much fun. It took four tries, but I’m very close to perfecting a cheese straws recipe.
In theory, this isn’t anything new as I’ve always shifted my focus to other activities when the internet fills me with anxiety. For as much as I could worry that I’m missing out on the latest trends, I’ve grown less indebted in needing to know what they are. I’m less concerned about consuming the daily mishigas. As a result, I’ve missed a lot of talking points (I’m sure it’s a good show, but I’m in a personal bubble that doesn’t give a shit about The Pitt), which I feel has only helped me to focus on what matters. Much like being able to think past the noise of my neighbors, sometimes you get caught up in the trivial of the online rat race. Sure, I would love to gain a loyal following, but I’m also growing tired of the artifice of the culture, of the A.I. and doomscrolling, of the memes that have quick dopamine rushes that only leave you wanting more. Some of it I want, yes, but not enough to come back. I would joke and say I’m like Contrapoints in that way, but she’s much less “prolific” than I am… though I’d love to make anything that looks as great as her new “Conspiracy” video.
During this time, I’ve also taken up reading more impulsively than I already do. I don’t know what it says about my attention span, but I had on March Madness (more on that later) while inhaling two books simultaneously over a five day period. It could be that I recognize my limits with college basketball and have developed a Howard Ratner-type view of this recent run were its larger appeal is my personal wagers (Go Gators, I guess). Otherwise, it’s background noise where my interest is only piqued when an underdog really begins going to town.
The book I most want to recommend is Desiree Akhavan’s “You’re Embarrassing Yourself.” As a fan of Appropriate Behavior (2014) and The Miseducation of Cameron Post (2018), I’ve long been curious to learn more about her career. What I didn’t expect was to find a new favorite memoir that has an impressive level of candidness. It’s less that she’s an artist and more someone within my age range who has lived a storied life of trying to find herself through dating and career. She has so many stories that reflect her insecurities in ways that make her relatable. She also has a passage towards the end regarding imposter syndrome that is so bleak with harmful ideation that I recognize. Her desire to push past that self-defeat is what makes me love her more, and makes her someone I wish had more of a storied career by this point. Still, it’s up there as a testament to why she’ll remain a favorite.
I also read Michelle Zauner’s “Crying in H-Mart” recently as well. What’s bizarre is that for all of the cultural differences that I don’t connect with, there is this underlying struggle with anxiety that feels familiar, especially in a very short passage about how she was acting out and failing college as a sign of a mental breakdown. I can’t say that my behavior was as bad. Then again I wouldn’t graduate with an associate degree until 11 years after starting. And no, I haven’t heard “For Melancholy Brunettes (& sad women)” yet, though I would classify myself in the former category.
If you want to hear about music that I’ve been loving, then holy cow was March 2025 the best month yet. While The Weeknd’s “Hurry Up Tomorrow” remains album of the year so far, the rest of the list has to look out for some enticing hits. Lady Gaga’s “Mayhem” is her best record in a long time and has some of my favorite chaotic energy of the year. Youth Lagoon’s “Rarely Do I Dream” is a surprise favorite with how it contrasts personal stories with archival materials that creates a beautiful, introspective listen. Clipping’s “Dead Channel Sky” goes HARD, and that’s all I’m saying for now. Finally, the More Eaze and Claire Rousay collaboration “No Floor” makes Rousay a potential back-to-back end of year favorite following the definitive “Sentiment” album, which perfectly captures the feeling of being stuck in a severe depression. I love the atmospheric touches and only wish it was longer.
Before moving on, I also want to share that Ethel Cain has announced her follow-up album to “Preacher’s Daughter.” It’s called “Willoughby Tucker, I’ll Always Love You.” If you know the narrative, it’s a prequel to her former album and expands the story. I had assumed that “Perverts” was going to be her release for the year, but this is a wonderful surprise and I’m happy to see her return to more conventional musicianship. With that said, “Preacher’s Daughter” is one of those records that personally changed my life and will always be game for what she does next. She is nothing if not interesting and I think will leave listeners perplexed with whatever she puts out. Will there be a moment on it that hits me as hard as “House in Nebraska”? It’s hard to say.
To shift into the sports section, I’m happy to say that there’s quite a bit to cover this time around. For starters, I recently attended a men’s volleyball game for CSULB. More than the fact that I’ll always support my team, this has proven to be a historic year for them. As of the time of this publication, they are batting a 20-0 record perfect season. Up until last week, they had swept every game since February 8. There is so much excitement in the air right now and the fact that the big tournament is quickly approaching only makes my heart beat faster.
Even if it couldn’t be considered the best game on their docket, I did get to see Long Beach play Barton College. It was the end of a weekend stint and it was clear that everyone was mostly going through the motions. However, I’m thrilled to witness a perfect season in person. I almost got that when UCLA played women’s basketball against Long Beach (Lauren Betts is really good, you guys), but this time it looks too good to be true. They’ve even taken down their worthy foe in UCLA multiple times. Again, I wouldn’t call Barton the best, but given that the UCLA game was sold out and it’s been hard to work around schedules, I’ll take what I can get.
Basketball is a bit of a different beast altogether. Long Beach was a big fat mess this year. I’ll forgive them because it was a new coach and squad all trying to form an identity. With that said, watching your follow-up to a surprise run at March Madness be a team that ends the season with a 15 game losing streak is painful. You hold out hope and every time you lose a little more. While women’s did significantly better, they didn’t make the tournament either.
Special shout out to U.C. San Diego, who not only got through but did so in their inaugural year of Big West and Division I competition. Since both men’s and women’s got through, they are also the first team in NCAA history to achieve that dual honor on the first try. I saw The Tritons play a few months ago and they were definitely on a hot streak then. I’m happy to see them succeed. Even the fact that U.C. Irvine *almost* made March Madness (Boo SEC!) showed how good this year’s group was. Thankfully, The Anteaters at least are dominating in The NIT. San Diego, meanwhile, put up the best fight that a Big West school has in the first round by almost beating Michigan. They even had a lead with three minutes to go which, sadly, is an anomaly to how Big West teams usually are by that point in the game. They put up a great fight.
The rest of March Madness has been fine in my book. I want to be more into it, but college basketball has long been a sport that’s tough to appreciate. I don’t want to support colleges just because they have wealthy donors. To me, there’s something special about being involved with the community and getting access to them. Outside of USC and Juju Watkins, there’s not a lot of reason for me to branch out to teams that I’m sure are better to watch. To me, it becomes exhausting to expand the scope that much, especially given the turnaround of athletes is much higher than in professional leagues. I just keep hoping Big West produces another Ajay Mitchell or something when it comes to The NBA Draft. With that said, I bet on The Florida Gators to win everything, so I’m holding onto that piece of my bracket even as the rest has crumbled.
So yes, it’s never a dull moment over here. I’m keeping busy and trying to think of the next thing to do. I’m planning to see the musical Spring Awakening tomorrow. There’s an upcoming teen version of Hadestown that might be worth tracking down just to compare to the real deal (less spinning stage does create a challenge). I’m also planning to attend some sports, like potential softball games. I’ll also be at an Anaheim AnAels game when they play The Cleveland Guardians. I’m trying to get out there and feel like my life is more purposeful.
Not only that, but I’m proud to announce that depending on how things go, you are officially less than two months away from the release of my next novel “Lava Lamp.” I am putting the finishing touches on it right now and trying to make it the best quality I can. I am very proud of what I came up with and feel that the past four years have helped to shape the text into something significant. I won’t say much about it at this time save that it’s a story indebted to how I’ve felt in recent times. Some of it is dark, but my hope is that there’s plenty to laugh and joke about as well. Expect an August/May release date.
Other than that, I feel like I’m running long and have lost most people. I apologize for getting so worked up, but this is as much an update as it is time capsule of the moment. This month felt especially sprawling and I wanted to capture as much of it as possible. Even as I hit publish, I’m sure there will be one or two things that I forgot to say (like the overwhelming value of the Disney+ livestream channel for The Simpsons).
In these dark times, I hope that everyone is doing what they can to survive. I want to thank you all for continuing to support me and my hope is that I’ve brought you company in some way. Mentally, I’m at the best I have been since Christmastime, and that makes me hopeful that April will be an even better month. Full of what? I cannot say. However, the year is moving along and it’s time to start putting plans to action. Do something that makes you happy. You deserve it. Take care.
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