Everywhere you look it’s springtime, and with that a mixed reception to the changing weather. While it’s somewhat better than the sluggish nature of winter, there’s still the reality of weeds sprouting up everywhere and causing my sinuses to act up. Being on the west coast there is an unreliable change of weather from week to week. Two weeks ago I sat at a ballpark and got a hefty sunburn on my pale arms. Tomorrow is planning for rain. I’m not telling nature how to do their thing, but it’s hard to get into any circadian rhythm when so many days feel incongruent.
So much has gone on in the past few weeks that I worry it’ll be difficult to fully encapsulate here. For example, days before writing this Pope Francis passed away. While his ailing health led many to believe he was reaching his farewell, it’s still a surprise to see that day come. With that said, I read the tributes and discovered that Francis embodied everything that I would want out of a religious figure of his status. Even if I’m a lapsed Catholic, I’ve long grappled with the value of faith in one’s life because I do believe the values of charity and kindness are essential to a good life. I think it just gets commodified by a national platform in ways that have long (in polite words) “missed the point.” Francis transcended the changing values and noticed that humanity was so full of worth. I’m not informed enough to say he was a “perfect” pope, but the current discourse reveals a man who wanted to listen and help those around him. With the upcoming conclave, I have to wonder what tone the next era will take on.
Symbolically, that’s quite the note to end a month like April on. The need to self-reflect on what makes someone a good person has long been a topic of importance. As I’ve gotten older and recognized that humanity is, theoretically, built on free will and thus has the power to control its destiny, I’ve long wondered why some have chosen the route of exclusion. Living in America, it’s easy to look at the federal government and notice how much free will is being abused. Instead of following the legislation (the perception of control), there are innocent people illegally deported without due process (the absolute of free will). Instead of offering programs that would better the collective, there is a push to determine who gets a share of the pie. It’s upsetting and made worse because I turn on the news every day and notice how much free will is working against unification. It’s upsetting to notice behaviors that I studied in history class that feel reminiscent of Germany in the 1940s, of texts I read by Anne Frank and Elie Wiesel. I’m aware that America has never been the “perfect” nation, but you like to believe that each generation becomes more understanding and welcoming. If nothing else, this is the most regressive era I’ve noticed in my lifetime and I’m scared for the long-term impacts.
Because, again, we have free will. Among the tributes to Pope Francis, I noticed people who were willing to change their values around the LGBTQIA+ community because he welcomed them into the church and said, “Who am I to judge?” It’s encouraging to see a figure of his stature work against the public platform at the expense of major backlash. It’s a narrative that’s only worsened in recent years with supreme court justices considering overturning gay marriage along with excluding trans athletes and “policing gender roles.” The United Kingdom has had their own series of legal controversies as of late, and it makes me wonder when the genocide ends. Again, this is free will. You don’t have to go along with the bad narratives and, instead, notice how harmful they are. There is a need to rebuild discourse into something more substantial and acknowledge the nuances of being human. We don’t have to be J.K. Rowling randomly attacking asexuals just because she’s bored. We can learn from each other. It doesn’t need to be like this.
This is all to say that part of the reason I’ve been in better spirits as of late is because I’m not actively engaging with social media. Where I used to have Twitter as a dumping ground for compulsive thinking, I found that restricting my intake forced me to sit with the irrational and accept what ideas aren’t worth sharing. For me personally, I don’t need to be online all of the time. All I need to do is look at figures like Elon Musk and notice that his overexposure is ultimately a tragic story of a man shackled to his fragile ego, who has all the money to achieve happiness and instead is the most miserable man alive. I’m not talking about profit margins (hot take: I don’t condone the cybertruck attacks), but just the need to shout shallow memes into the void that will disappear an hour later, reminding Musk how empty his endeavor is. Why else would we need to create a world of A.I. imagery when the human mind is capable of something even more spectacular? Why do we need our perceptions of the world to feel so fake?
To be honest, this makes me sound more like a radical than I ultimately am. Despite having criticisms about larger institutions, there is still some codependence. To me, Bluesky has been a great place to meet people and discover community after Twitter fell apart. Even if the overabundance of bitter political takes and A.I. turns me bitter, there is a desire to push past the artifice and discover something genuine inside. Even then, I have been fixated on “dead internet theory” and recognize the mental health issues surrounding being on too much. I see Kanye West rants and notice how people cope not by using their gains to better themselves but feed shallow addictions (then to have the response be largely classified under “comical” is upsetting as it cheapens serious topics). Right now I’m trying to figure out a way to move past that, though it’s difficult. Sometimes I find it’s best to just throw the phone across the room and not worry about things for one evening.
As per usual, I must apologize about having an opening that amounts to my latest existentialist rant. To be honest, it’s hard to not want things to be better because I recognize that we have the capabilities to do that. Pope Francis’ death brought forth a lot of those ideas in very clear terms and I think speaks to the American deficiency that I’m not sure I did a quality job of covering in great detail. I’ve long believed that America is the land of compromise and that everyone wins and loses a little to better the whole. That may be why I’m choosing to get lost in David McCullough’s “John Adams” biography right now and remember the joyous myth this country was based on.
To start shifting into something more personal, I want to highlight the things that have been interesting to me personally. For starters, this was an amazing month for sports. I decided to take part in the March Madness bracket competition just to see if I stood any chance. The good news is that this became the only reason I cared about the larger event after a point, especially as Big West’s U.C. San Diego BARELY lost in the first round to Michigan. Tuning into every game just to see where I was in the standings became an addictive behavior not dissimilar from Howie Ratner. Given that I wound up predicting that Florida would win, I was a happy camper that night. Thankfully, the game was intense until the bitter end. Even the final play was a heartbreaker that reflects the essence of basketball. Sometimes luck and chance are all that one has in the game, and everything came down to a bad pass. It was tragic.
I can’t say the same for the women’s side of things. While I’m sure there will be those who buy into the Paige Bueckers’ narrative and how the school deserved it, as a game of basketball it was boring. I’ve never enjoyed blowouts and would rather watch two low-tier teams duke it out than see an unstoppable domination. It was the type of sleep inducement that made it hard to want to watch the post-game celebration.
With that said, The WNBA Draft was shortly after and brought with it a lot of fun new prospects. As someone who roots for their home team, I was mostly curious to see who The Los Angeles Sparks wound up with. Their highest-ranked pick, No. 9, was Sarah Ashlee Barker along with Sania Feagin at No. 18. There’s too much to get into regarding The Sparks’ rebuild over the past few years, but I have to say their draft picks have been essential as of late. I ride high for Cameron Brink and Rickea Jackson who really added a lot to the team. My hope is that Barker and Feagin have a good home on the roster.
At the risk of not having anything to talk about later on, I will forgo talking about NBA’s playoff season for now. It hasn’t even been a week yet and many teams are still on Game 3. My one concern is that my love for The Milwaukee Bucks isn’t being rewarded as of late and I think we owe Giannis better. Similarly, no love lost for The Memphis Grizzlies who were down by up to 60 points against The Oklahoma City Thunder in Game 1. It’s rough out there. My one surprise is that Kawhi Leonard is in top form for the first time in three years. As someone currently aggravated by The Los Angeles Clippers, this both makes me happy and very annoyed at how little that guy actually tries.
To close out the sports talk, I want to highlight NCAA men’s volleyball. While the tournament has yet to be decided, I carry great pride in sharing that Cal State Long Beach remained the number one team in the nation for the ENTIRE season. The past few years have had an amazing group of players that have been locked in and really know how to fight for gold. While they haven’t quite gotten there (they lost in the finals to UCLA in 2024), I do have faith that this is the year. I managed to catch them one last time when they played U.C. San Diego and it was thrilling to be in a packed room watching them clench the season. Anyway, lots of long nights ahead watching the tournament on ESPN+ since it’s all going down in Hawaii. Fun stuff.
During this past month, I was also invited to a live performance at La Mirada Theater featuring the Tony-winning actor Brian Stokes Mitchell. Despite being a fan of Ragtime, I wouldn’t say I know a lot about his work and thus went in predominantly blind. What I can say is that I’m now a convert. Even if a lot of the setlist was your various array of showtune covers, there was a stage presence that made the whole thing come to life. He moved about the stage with humor, able to improvise responses to the crowd as he sang. He was so in the moment that you couldn’t help but be drawn to him. He was funny, insightful, but most of all compassionate. I would love to see him perform in a traditional show sometime because his voice has incredible range and emotion that connected with me for the entire running time. I’m going to have to track down whatever shows he’s been in and listen because he’s just that good.
For those not in the know, Tony Awards nominations drop on May 1 as well. While I don’t have a lot of knowledge about what the popular shows are, I have subscribed to the podcast Bottomless Broadway to get a better sense of what’s out there. I also listened to the OBCR for Death Becomes Her, which I mostly did because it was the only new musical they deemed worthy to perform at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. The good news is that I like it and think that there’s a promising vision, even if it feels like one of those campy over the top shows that doesn’t fully land with me. To me, the modern musical comedy benchmark (in terms of music) remains The Book of Mormon and Tootsie. A lot have come close, but those two really land on craft levels. Other than that, I’m currently curious to see if Boop! The Musical amounts to anything because it seems so ridiculously unnecessary on paper.
Black Mirror also returned for their latest season. I understand that there’s many who aren’t in love with its approach to storytelling and think that a lot of its messaging is obvious. For me, I was drawn to it as a contemporary version of The Twilight Zone with more of a cultural frankness. It’s allowed to transcend style and formats so often that it keeps one predicting what’s next. I also believe that, at its best, it manages to convey some deeply complex emotions that technology can bring out of us. While I’d argue the previous two seasons have been largely unexceptional, I keep tuning in and watch with an expedience I rarely encourage. Usually by the following Monday, I am done.
To be honest, this was a decent season through and through. I still have a lot of antipathy for the U.S.S. Callister series which feels like the most predictable version of that story. However, the rest have varying degrees of likability that are worth celebrating. I’m especially a fan of “Common People” and “Eulogy,” which delve into topics that might feel recognizable due to recency bias. As someone who lost a handful of loved ones between 2019 and 2021, the idea of absence is a topic that connects with me. “Common People” may be the best thing that Chris O’Dowd has done in a near decade. The idea of losing one to a neurological disorder is haunting, and one of my biggest fears about getting older. To bring in finances and various other factors only makes it worse. Meanwhile, “Eulogy” may be an all-timer TV episode for me just because it embodies a lot of how I respond to reminiscing. Paul Giamatti is incredible in it and I love how they use the visual technique to convey the void that photographs can’t fill.
Part of me has been curious to revisit the entirety of Black Mirror solely because there have been a handful that faded from memory. That is less due to greatness and more that life just gives you so much. Even then, I wonder if the journey will be rewarding enough or if I’ll notice a show that slowly loses its appeal with time as it tries to appeal to the latest fads. To me, that was the biggest issue with the recent bunch, especially since I’m not a gamer and find parasocial relationships with gigabytes to be unrealistic. I get it as an addiction or codependence, but it’s maybe the biggest example of why I’m cool with turning off my laptop now and then and just stepping outside.
To start wrapping up, I want to remind readers that next month brings something very special. I will be releasing my third novel “Lava Lamp” on May 18 with a planned digital release to follow. For now, I am working through the final touches and making it look as attractive as possible. It’s taken four years to reach its final form and part of me is eager to share it with the world. Another part of me just wants to have it out so I can move on to the next project, but that’s also just because of how antsy the editing process makes me. At some point, you got to accept that there’s only so many ways to turn a bolt. That’s where I’m at.
Other than that, my life has been okay. I’ve come a long way since suffering an anxiety attack in February and I’ve finally reached a period where things have been stable long enough. There isn’t this constant overpowering neuroses fighting for my attention. I’m able to focus and start working on projects that fulfill me. I haven’t been this continually creative and adventurous in quite a few months. My hope is that as the year continues things only get better. For now, I’ll sit here with my copy of “John Adams” and recount a life that is both fascinating and full of some fun sassy comebacks. I get why people would call Adams an insufferable tool, but he also strikes me as an intellect with a good heart, if just because he’s wanting what’s best for the greater good. That, and I’ve been working through Sylvia Plath’s unabridged journal and finding an inquisitive and sensitive soul emerging who just wants to be at peace with the world.
At this time, I don’t know what May has in store. Ideally, it will be full of positive highlights that will be worth sharing. I’m curious to see how the conclave turns out and where the playoffs take The NBA. I won’t be without things to keep me amused that’s for sure. For now, I’m working on finding small things that bring me joy. I’m painting more and doing things that pull me away from the tedium of online culture. It hasn’t fully lost me, but I’m being reminded of how life is scary, but it’s also beautiful and full of details that don’t wind up on the internet. They’re just out there existing in their own bizarre ways. I encourage everyone to find out what they are and think about them for a while. I’m not saying to throw away your computer, but maybe next time you see something life-changing, put down that camera phone and just take it in. Let your memory reshape it into something that’s just for you. Maybe write it down and see what sticks out. Sometimes being there is just enough, I promise.
Comments
Post a Comment