Every month, there comes a point where I ask the question, “Where does the time go?” I recognize that aging means a lot of time is extemporaneous and lacks the consistency when we were young. However, September feels like that point right before the end games, the simmer, the allusion to the final three months, which are given the sexiest moments of the year. I would say that June and July usually have them, but for some reason, I recall six weeks’ worth of people complaining about summer being an overrated season. As a result, we have to hope that the fall and winter months bring back some greater sense of purpose.
I pray that October is the first month where I get to the final day and not have an avalanche of worry that I need to funnel into my writing for my own sanity. Halloween is objectively a great holiday. There’s a flamboyance and creativity that is unlike any other time of year. And yet, there is some part of me that worries we are about to see something perverse, not unlike how Pride Month was overshadowed by ICE Raids. In the wake of Charlie Kirk’s murder, the internet was quick to remind me of former Halloweens where people openly mocked the dead. I’m not saying that I specifically worry about Kirk, but just that in a year of nonstop bullying and oppression, how am I going to get through the week without someone being cute about their darkest opinions through homemade costumes? Without a cap on what is and isn’t appropriate in discourse, it’s hard to predict how hostile everything will be. At least I’m glad that people I know are probably sticking to K-Pop Demon Hunters (2025) outfits.
Which is all to say that I am going to try and make the most of Halloween. For now, I look forward to a month that promises a new Thomas Pynchon novel. I’m thrilled to potentially walk in on the day of release and buy it in person. As stupid as it sounds, the novelty of going to a store still resonates because of the sense of process that clicking “BUY” online just can’t. The more tactile an experience becomes, the more it stands in your memory. I still recall spending three hours driving to different stores the day that Devo’s “Something For Everybody” came out, only to have the cashier be delightfully surprised that they were putting out new music. As much as convenience is… convenient, there is something about effort and anticipation that is slowly disappearing. Anyway, put “Shadow Ticket” on your calendar. I promise it’ll be worth it.
But to start getting back on track, this is an entry about September. I personally think it’s one of the hardest months to appreciate when you get older, more because it’s anticipatory, a starting point of everything to come. Even if you get something fun like Somebody Somewhere winning an acting Emmy, you’re mostly seeing advertisements for October and December. There is no sense of identity other than it’s the schooliest month I’ve ever known. It’s so much the school month that I swore it was when the year started only to realize it actually happens in late August. As someone with a B.A., do recognize that I showed up on the first day of school and graduation. I just think instinctively August is still a “summer month” in my book. There’s nothing exceptional about September other than that Fantasticks song.
I kid, I kid. It’s a wonderful time to be alive. After a decade now of being somewhat critical of Hamilton (it’s better studied than enjoyed), I was fortunate to catch a midweek screening of the recent theatrical release of the pro-shot. It’s always a crapshoot whether your audience will be “the one.” I still remember seeing Cats (2019) on opening weekend and getting excited that the other guy in my screening was “the one.” We were both laughing and having a good time. Then, after 20 minutes, a man came in and metaphorically slashed our tires. He may as well have blown up the whole damn car because he wasn’t even the fun kind of heckler. All he did for the remaining two hours was yell “DIE!” every 15 seconds.
Watching Hamilton (2020) in 2025 may be the closest that I come to a redemption arc. I still long to attend a Rowdy Cats screening because I do believe the Tom Hooper film has that potential to be a great cult movie if given the chance. To stop comparing Lin-Manuel Miranda to Skimbleshanks, let me just say that Hamilton is what it is. I recognize that I only know 5% of the lyrics, and apparently don’t pay attention to actors because apparently Peggy Schuyler and Marie Reynolds are the same person. Still, I sat in appreciation of the larger craft and got to take in the smaller details. You see the effort. You recognize why this has gone beyond the novel hot new show gimmick that others have faced.
But more specifically, the audience was “the one.” In my mind, I dreamed of them getting up during the cabinet battle and yelling at each other in the aisles. We weren’t quite there, but we still got them singing every song with enthusiasm. Somebody dressed up in Hamilton regalia. Everything felt right. You began to anticipate the bigger moments of the show. To hear a room sing “Guns and Ships” in harmony still blows my mind. I’m sure this is less fun to read about, but it’s one of those rare instances where I understand why people want to make the cinema a more interactive place. It’s fun in the right contexts. A 10-year-old musical is the right context. To those who showed up and showed out, thank you for making my evening memorable.
I’d write about my other theatrical experience of the month, but due to deadlines, I haven’t actually seen it yet. As a major Paul Thomas Anderson fan, One Battle After Another (2025) has been high on my list. The praise from critics like David Ehrlich has me more intrigued than the middling trailers have. Then again, few people have captured the ethos of what it feels like to be alive in Southern California quite like Anderson. Licorice Pizza (2021) is a hallmark of that genre, and I’m hoping this fits the box. Given that it’s based on another Pynchon novel, “Vineland” (though I question by how much), I have to believe I’ll love it as much as Inherent Vice (2014)… though maybe not by too much, given that Joaquin Phoenix has been generally a more exciting actor than Leonardo DiCaprio.
In general, it’s difficult to keep everything in order when revisiting any month. There’s a notion of favoring events of the most recent days, and I think it’s difficult to not emphasize them here again. Outside of some other fun events that I’ll mention later, I want to emphasize how difficult it is to live in America right now. While I recognize that I am personally in a decent position, there’s still the recognition that we’re in a push-and-pull period where nothing great has come of modern discourse. There hasn’t been any compromise that I grew up believing in. If anything, it’s one of those months that makes me utterly depressed because it goes against a lot of what I went to school for.
To keep things organized, I want to start with the shot heard around the world. Right-wing commentator Charlie Kirk was murdered while at a public event in Utah Valley. I won’t go into specifics other than I got hung up on details that most have ignored. He was 31 at the time of his passing. As a public speaker, he had a lot of rhetoric in the public sphere that was referenced in the days following. Some of it was good, though most of it presents an ironic fate that has caused the very idea of respecting his outlook on life to get you called a piece of shit. In general, I side with the people who say that you get what you give. More than that, it’s one of those moments where I determined once again that actions and words have consequences. Think of what you’re putting into the world and whether it’s making the world better.
My heart also breaks because this moment hasn’t been used as a sobering moment to maybe consider gun laws to prevent further assassinations. There’s no conversation about mental health or how the internet radicalizes the youth. All that came of it was another “us vs. them” war where the president sidestepped décor in favor of attacking “the left” for attacking a free speech warrior. There were also unsubstantiated theories that the shooter was transgender. Like everything else in this equation, it’s upsetting to think how obsessively they demonize the trans community instead of working towards giving them the freedoms that everyone else deserves.
Then there’s the Jimmy Kimmel incident. In short, he was taken off the air prematurely following a joke that some ambiguously took as hostile towards Kirk and “the right.” In that time, I’ve felt very insecure about a handful of things, including Freedom of the Press. While there’s been a lot of objectionable humor made by public figures throughout my life, I generally respect their right to speak publicly. The potential for one bad comment to end your career is upsetting, and I’m glad that things were resolved. As much as I would’ve loved it to happen in ways other than “vote with your wallet,” it is the American thing to do.
For what it’s worth, the funniest part of the cancelation of Hulu and Disney+ was that it lined up with the premiere of a really good documentary called Lilith Fair: Building A Mystery (2025). Reading the comments on Facebook, it was clear how much the demographic that would’ve seen it was also the one most likely to make a political statement with their subscriptions. Sarah McLachlan even canceled a public event promoting the new release out of solidarity with Kimmel. As much as I’ve been unsure of what activism actually makes a difference nowadays, solidarity against a giant like Disney is one of the more reassuring ways to go.
It doesn’t help that I am also baffled by the Kirk memorial within itself. I understand that he was outspoken about different causes, but the description that best describes what I’ve seen is “circus.” I’m fine with heartfelt speeches and small tributes, but from what I’ve heard, there were fireworks and people lugging around large crosses through the stadium. It felt painfully performative before you count in speeches that allude to Nazi rhetoric and a president using it as a chance to promote a future report on autism. There was no heart for Kirk in these moments. All effort to avoid future mortalities is long gone. It’s a crusade against “intolerance.”
Now THAT’S losing the script in record time.
I guess that I want to believe progress will come from everything. The past eight months have been difficult to process because so much has happened, but the question of what’s improved remains in contrast. For as much as I don’t want to fall into a pit of despair, I recognize that we have a president who hates California. We have a governor whose only joy seems to be antagonizing online trolls. There’s no sense of diplomacy anymore, and I’m not entirely sure what’s stopping the larger system from recognizing what is wrong. Richard Nixon was booted for less. Right now, it feels like everything just keeps going. The beautiful green grass has been torn up by the tread marks doing donuts. It’s chaos, and I think it’s made thinking about time difficult. I’m stuck wondering how we got to a decade of this, as I wonder what’s going on at this very moment and how it impacts the future. I hate so much of it.
How does one anticipate the future with any optimism? I grew up wanting to be a journalist, and now it feels like that profession is all but dead. Anyone who talks out is likely to be vanished and publicly humiliated. There’s only so much strength one can have for “trust the process” before it wears them down. I respect those who still fight, but I also notice that taking Kimmel down hints at how easy it is to take everything else away.
I recently rewatched Citizen Kane (1941), and it’s uncanny how much it feels like the aspirational version of current events. We live in the ironic read where Charles Foster Kane was right all along, and the public just misunderstood his genius. While I went into 2016 believing that A Face in the Crowd (1957) was prophetic, the real grail had been in the public consciousness this entire time. Other than that, Citizen Kane is a phenomenal film, and I was amazed at how well it captures a sense of isolation even as he’s surrounded by people desperately singing him a song to appear friendly. Orson Welles’ performance is fantastic because he seems oblivious to how little anyone in that room likes him. It’s downright tragic.
In terms of other recent hubris that I’ve watched, there’s Berlin Alexanderplatz (1980) by the great Werner Fassbinder. It’s been hailed as a 15-hour movie that has its own challenges to get through. Thankfully, it’s serialized in digestible hours that allow every theme to emerge as small parables. It’s yet another narrative that reflects the small and sometimes invisible ways that society alters perception. Was Franz capable of change, or was he always doomed to a life of crime? I can’t say that it’s the most enthralling thing I’ve seen by Fassbinder, but I am grateful to have seen it – especially for the Epilogue that recontextualizes everything that came before and turns into the greatest artistic statement the director has made (that I’ve seen). All in all, I love how many ideas Berlin Alexanderplatz leaves me with, and I hope to be thinking about it for a while. It may not be about modern America, but, like Welles, the subtext feels all too relevant.
That’s been one of my coping mechanisms in 2025. I’ve been trying to find art that makes me think differently about the world. In the literature world, I read Betty Smith’s “A Tree Grows In Brooklyn,” which is one of my favorite tales of early 20th-century America. It speaks to the way that immigrants make the country better and the value of community among the working class. It’s so far my favorite read of the year. I also loved William Kennedy’s “Ironweed,” which delves into an even lower class and the struggles to survive in an even bleaker world. To me, there’s so much history that’s flawed and reflects a need for change and growth that is ignored, and it’s heartbreaking to think that anyone would want to ignore any of it. A lot is unpleasant, but ignoring it makes things worse.
When I’m not focusing on the larger world, I have been taking in sporting events. To make it quick, WNBA is in the playoff portion of the season, and it’s an exciting time to see who comes out on top. As annoying as things have played out (The Los Angeles Sparks are out by the thinnest of margins!), there’s still that tension of wondering who will pull ahead. It hasn’t been completely obvious yet. The New York Liberty is also gone in one of the most devastating collapses of the year so far. The biggest surprise, however, may be The Indiana Fever continuing to survive despite having several major players not in competition. Based on where things are now, I think that The Las Vegas Aces are likely to go up against The Minnesota Lynx, and it’s going to be an amazing match-up. Maybe it’s that I just saw them earlier this month, but I am riding high on A’ja and crew.
I’m also happy to say that women’s volleyball is back on, and it’s been great to have that weekend tradition back. While this time frame covers the preseason, one can assume what lies ahead. Long Beach has a predominantly new cast of players, so I am still skeptical about how far they will go. However, the early signs have me optimistic that they’ll at least rank high-ish in the Big West. I know I said that about men’s basketball, but we still have our coach from last year who was crucial to turning the team around over recent times. There’s also a vibrant camaraderie on display that overshadows any weak spots in their execution so far. I’m also curious to see how Fullerton does given that they have a new coach and produced one of their best preseason records in three years. That makes me believe they’ll beat their previous record, which was one win over two regular seasons. There are plans to attend another game in the near future, so I’ll hopefully let you know soon if they maintain that momentum.
Once again, I apologize if this has run a little long. I promise that September is at best a transition month for me and that October will be a more exciting period. Or at least I hope so. If it matters, I’ve also loved watching Alien: Earth, The Perfect Line, and Women Wearing Shoulder Pads. There are also a few great records that I recommend checking out from the past month: Emily Wells’ “Plainclothes” score, Emma Louise & Flume’s “Dumb,” and Idles and Rob Simonsen’s “Caught Stealing” score. If you’re looking for a good time, those are sure to give it to you. It’s also been a month full of Tom Waits and Frank Zappa records, so that may explain my loopy outlook.
I’ve also been playing a few minutes of online pinball every day just to let out some tension. I’m a big Tetris fan, and I think pinball has a similar impact. I heard of a study of how Tetris can help people work through the immediate signs of trauma, and I think it explains why I would play it in between nine-hour grocery store shifts. To me, it was a chance to lock in and put moving pieces into place. Pinball is a bit more chaotic, but for five seconds, you feel in control of the world, and I love that feeling. If you’re asking why, it’s because I got into a habit of watching YouTube videos about Pokémon games and especially went down a rabbit hole about Pokémon Pinball, which I used to play actively. I remember getting dental work done and just sitting there waiting while bopping balls around. It was a fun time. I’m not sure how long this fad will last, but it’s keeping my head stable for the time being.
With all that said, I am going to say goodbye now. It’s been a busy time, so I haven’t had a chance to appreciate the smaller moments. I’m not sure if I’m ready to start thinking about the end of the year and wrapping everything up, but that’s how time works. For now, I’m going to see how invested I can get in the spooky season and actually enjoy horror movies. I feel like this might be the year where everything lands. If nothing else, I can still try and write a letter to Marc Maron before his podcast ends because I want to send my gratitude before I lose my chance. There’s also new Danny Brown, and it sounds like he’s riding high on hyperpop. He’s been doing great work with Underscores and 8485, so I have to believe the record “Stardust” will be fire. Oh yeah, and Pynchon! Can’t forget Pynchon!
Anyway, I hope next month goes better than this one. I’m tired of the chaos and want to believe people will work towards a more civil handling of society. I’m not sure it’ll happen, but I’m tired of being shocked. Here’s hoping the next controversy won’t lead to mudslinging and actually make one wonder how to keep it from happening again.
To everyone, I say please take care of yourself and don’t give up. Find some way to restore sanity in your life. Take up a hobby or just log off for a few hours. I understand everything is serious right now, but having time to only think about yourself and what matters to you will make you appreciate so much about the world. Talk with you soon.
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