When I was in high school, my school put on a production of Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella. I only ever went to the preview, but one thing quickly became clear: it was goofy as hell. The costumes were lavish, almost satirical of what a little girl’s toy box would look like. The songs were subpar, the set-piece made no sense on how it was supposed to get people’s attention. In fact, I talked to people from the theater department a year later and they confessed that they had no idea what they were doing. Come to think of it, does anyone who tackles this story really know what they’re doing?
I’m honestly exhausted by the over-exposure of Cinderella in pop culture at this point. Along with R&H, there’s of course the gold standard in Disney’s iconic film. She’s also been featured in Stephen Sondheim’s Into the Woods as well as a new interpretation starring Camilla Cabello coming this Fall. She’s even had a straight-to-DVD sequel involving time travel. This whole thing is ridiculous, and yet Andrew Lloyd Webber decided this late into his career, following an EGOT win that solidified his status among the greats, that now was the time to dig up that corpse and reanimate it.
Given that Starlight Express was based in part on a failed Cinderella project, it’s honestly frustrating that THIS is one of the first major new shows post-quarantine. I’m all for theater and have definitely craved any announcement for new cast recordings. The issue is that I don’t know who is clamoring for Cinderella. Even compared to Webber’s body of work, I don’t know what the big draw is. Cats has dance, Phantom of the Opera has grandeur, and School of Rock has kids playing instruments. What can he add that could possibly make this an essential addition to the grand theater tradition? If I’m just going off of the opening song title “Buns ‘N Roses,” I would argue that this is his attempt to be like Hamilton or Six and make a period piece that is chic and cool.
To be completely fair, Webber is only the composer. Even then, with his name over the marquee he has much more power over how well projects perform than either collaborator. Lyricist David Zippel brings about a songbook full of cheeky humor and slapstick that makes this feel geared at preteen girls who need affirmation in costumed women eroticizing the supporting male cast. Don’t believe me? Go to their official website and notice that the synopsis talks about women who crave Prince Charming and Prince Sebastian because they either a “sex god” or “less of a sex god.” For all I know this will have some surreal Equus reference. Otherwise, this show is so damn horny, where the opening song from Act II is obsessed with commenting on how attractive everyone is. It’s going to be a pretty high bar to top for gallery gawking, but I’m sure that the proposed Magic Mike musical is up for the challenge.
To be transparent, this is being written before the actual theatrical run has happened. Most available information is ambiguous. I’ve seen pictures and it looks like there’s going to be more of a dystopian take, where Cinderella is an edgy outsider. She can’t live up to the standards of the other residents of Belleville who, as Derek Zoolander would put it, unbelievably good looking. That’s really the crux of the show. Everyone is gorgeous and vain, capturing the camp that has always existed in a Webber show. The narcissism is so baked into the DNA that in the Act I closing song featuring The Godmother, she tells Cinderella not to rush her because she’s an artist.
Let’s back up for a minute. I don’t wish to give away the whole plot to the recently released concept album. While most readers will be familiar with the plot of this story, the most that I will say is that things end very differently. It’s a story that tries to propose more of a feminist read, where conventional marriage is not always the cure for happiness. If there’s any redeeming feature, it’s the book by Emerald Fennel, fresh off winning an Oscar for Promising Young Woman (2021) and quickly coming for that EGOT. In the few dialogue exchanges throughout the album, it’s clear that she informs the wit, which at times is hokey and overly literary. It’s a fairytale with a pinch of commentary… that is when not dealing with a supporting cast who can’t sing about how hot the cast is without harmoniously orgasming.
Again, I’m not familiar with the stage production side of things. Outside of promo videos that Webber and crew released all throughout 2020 as things were delayed, the concept album was the first time that most were exposed to the story. Still, that approach is old hat for the famed composer, whose career gained acclaim early on thanks to Jesus Christ Superstar and Evita. It is almost a challenge to try and make something sensible that works on the stage as an afterthought. I don’t know the full history of how this production came to be, but I’d like to think that it’s what drives Webber’s best work. What can he do with this material that will dazzle on the stage?
Jokes aside, the reason that I ultimately respect Webber is that even his lesser projects feel driven by some sort of passion. There is an earnestness that shines through every cornball line. Whereas some would use the lines in Cinderella and cringe, there is a focus on the craft that makes you understand the emotion in every rote cliché. While this at times plays like an edgy teenage version of Phantom of the Opera (what is The Ball scene but just The Masquerade?), you come away realizing that he is a master for a reason. He has control over harmonies and melodies, knowing which to pluck for reprises. If the goal is to have you leave the theater with new songs to hum, then more often than not he’ll succeed.
I won’t lie to you and say that this is his greatest collaboration. There isn’t a single moment that shines as much as any song from Evita. I’d even argue that at times this is his most transparently hokey show, more geared at surface-level “beauty is skin deep” commentary and quips that may play better at the moment. Still, it’s an authentically white and British way of doing things, where people are so happy and vapid that you either get it or you don’t. The opening number starts with the familiar high pitched glee you’d expect from a fairytale before transitioning into the black sheep, our outcast, the one and only Cinderella.
I’d argue that “Bad Cinderella” is the first earworm on the 35 song album. It helps that the names have a jaunty vibe that allows Webber to swing. There’s jubilance even as she conveys a woe that will continue to build. Meanwhile songs like “Hunk Song” find the renaissance-style take on Broadway blending with rock and pop. “I Know You” finds the women bonding over shared interests while “Man’s Man” has a comical take on masculinity that helps to make Sebastian seem like more of a sensitive soul. These may not all be the most intricately crafted songs, but the motifs and clashes of singers allow for character distinctions that are at times clever enough to create implicit emotion. Of course, there’s “Cinderella’s Soliloquy” which continues Webber’s tradition of proving how good the music of his shows are by having a greatest hits medley that is simultaneously ridiculous and perfectly emotional.
Upon first listen, I get the impression that this will be perceived as a mid-tier Webber. Some could argue that he hasn’t had a massive all-timer since Sunset Blvd. even if he hasn’t fully dropped off. I don’t love School of Rock, but it still has appeal. At the end of the day, Cinderella will stick around for a few years because of this. Maybe it’s the Wicked effect or any of Disney’s screen-to-stage shows like Aladdin or Frozen, but so long as people have an interest in princess culture, this show will be a morbid curiosity. I predict the soundtrack will be one of the more successful works this year, even if I’d argue the demographic has much better cast recordings they could be picking up (Be More Chill, Mean Girls, Beetlejuice, Six, or Heathers perhaps?). Still, it’s new music and let me tell you I’ve missed it dearly.
It will be a crowd-pleaser, which is ultimately what Webber excels at. For as much as I don’t believe myself to be in the target demo for this show, I recognized while listening how this could be like Cats. Critics may hate Cats or even notice its anti-plot to be a problem, but Webber plays so strongly to emotions and Cinderella follows suit. Maybe it’s a bit bombastic and obvious about it at points, but this is one of the least annoying forms of pandering that I’ve heard so far. This isn’t some hacky rendition of the classics. This is a genuinely new take that will at least please fans of spectacle (I assume). It’s fool-proof. Is it great art? Nope. But then again what category does Adam Lambert singing “The Vanquishing of the Three-Headed Sea Witch” fall into? Even with all of my skepticism, I already sense a handful of these songs becoming favorites by year’s end. That’s just what Webber does. I can’t stay mad at him for long.
With that said, I hope that this is the start of a Fall Season full of new cast recordings. While I’ve enjoyed going backward through theater history, there is something great about going the other way. It’s anticipatory, making you imagine what the next big show is going to be, what will sweep The Tony Awards? More than anything it reminds me that those theater doors will open one day and I’ll be sitting down to see something. I don’t exactly know what, but I have a feeling that it will be a great, great experience. I just hope the people onstage know what they’re doing.
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